Stockholm

Chapter One

Every day was the same.

Waking up to crippling disappointment that I wasn't in my room.

The beige walls, with ugly flowers painted to make the prison seem "Normal", only served as a reminder that this was not my room.

In my real room, I woke to fresh flowers every day and the smell of breakfast made for me. Now I enjoy under ripe fruit from the cafeteria and cold tile floors.

This morning was no different that the other 51. Like every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday for the past month and a half, I get ready for activities. I don my favorite powder blue shirt and pants (The ones that match all my other powder blue shirt and pants) and walk down the hallway to the activities center.

The main room is where people were supposed to sit and wait for the schedule for the day. Yet most people dick around and try to trade cigarettes and day passes as if the staff doesn't know they do.

Ollie, I wish I didn't have to be here

Lucky for us the staff, save the doctors and nurses, was volunteer staff. Meaning there are a handful of people who worked regularly and knew everyone's habits. Unlucky for us, that also meant that nothing ever ran on time.

Before activities, Dr. Tholman addresses the group and explains the schedule. He has to repeat himself more than once for the slower kids. While he did that, the nurses, in their purple scrubs, hand out everyone's medication. Contrasting the daily repetition, a plain clothes boy watches nurse Flats work. As she handed me my two floral Dixie cups, I noticed Mr. Plainclothes wearing a volunteer badge. This is strange because volunteers did not come in until activities start.

Once medicine gets distributed people start to calm down. This is when Mr. plainclothes gets his introduction.

"This is Fredrick. Freddy is a first year nursing student and he will be shadowing a different nurse every day for some time. I hope everyone is willing to make him feel welcome. Freddy's mouth is holding a tight smile as the doctor finishes his introduction.

Looking at the schedule, I smile when I see that I have a creative period first, before going to tutoring for a few hours. Creative time was the best time for doing some writing. I relish this time because people are so caught up in their work they don't bother to conversate. Or the severely messed up kids are distracting anyone from trying to bother me.

With all the focus off of me, the perfect time to write to Ollie was now. I have no proof that my letters actually make it to him, but I like to think they do.

As I was signing the bottom of the letter, the door opened entering Nurse Flats, trailed by Freddy. The nurse gave her shadow a tour of the room, introducing various people throughout.

"This room is a branch off of our small library, the one we were just in, and is for quiet writing and or reading over there. Art and music are in the room right through that door over there." I notice they are approaching me and hurry to fold up my letter. After a few more stops, introducing and sharing with the other kids, Freddy and the nurse land at my table.

"Good morning Cathryn!" I stare at Freddy for a while, a very empty and confused stare before realizing he doesn't know about my vow. I shift my gaze to the nurse hoping that this will convey my strong request to be alone. Is it that hard to understand that I'm not talking?

"Well... Cathryn doesn't say much... but we all know she has a sparkling personality just waiting to burst out of its cage." I almost throw up in my mouth at Nurse Flats fake, perpetual smile. I can't help but laugh inside at the fact that it looks like Freddy hates it almost as much as I do. As the bubbly nurse drags him away he turns his head back to me and imitates her smile. I smirk and open up my letter, feeling almost happy. Almost.

With the announcement over the loudspeaker indicating the changing of activity hours I seal the envelope and address it.