Burgers And Balls

Chapter 2

'So I stood there, with that pizza slice in my left hand, and the candle in my other, can you believe that Claire?' She didn't really respond to my story, like she had been doing all night so far. We went to the vegan restaurant she chose, I wanted to eat Italian - not vegan - food, but "vegan is good for you" she had said. I don't like eating all those vegetables, I just like meat, so I didn't eat much. Claire however, wasn't eating anything at all. 'What's wrong, love?' I asked. 'Nothing' she said, her face told me something else. I didn't really know what to do so I decided to excuse her and visit the toilet.

The toilet was a small room, the walls were red and full of quotes about being healthy and some other images of vegetables. I felt uncomfortable peeing there, like the vegetables were watching and judging me, because I'm not a vegan. I pulled my pants up and flushed the toilet. I opened the door and saw a guy waiting in line for the toilet. I noticed I watched him longer than I expected and I walked past him in the doorway quite awkwardly, while making some oh sorry sounds. That felt weird.

When I got back at our table, Claire was crying. 'Hey sweetie, what's going on?' I asked her. It took a little while and a few breaths for her to answer. Her voice didn't sound very good, but I guess everyone's voices sound terrible when they're crying. Her answer was short, only five words, but they chocked me, and made me want to cry with her. The words repeated in my mind, over and over again; I want to break up.

'Why? I thought we were doing great together..' I genuinly did not understand. She had that look on her face that says 'You know what I'm talking about and I'm not going to say it again.', I can recognise that look very easily, and everytime she gives me that look I know she will say it anyway. 'I think we just drifted apart.' 'What? I still love you.' 'I know you do, well, I know you think you do. I've been thinking, I am quite sure you're gay, but you don't know it yet.' she said.

That's ridiculous, me? Gay? I couldn't hear anything else anymore, gay.

When I got home, I went to bed straight away. It took a while to fall asleep, the thought of me being gay was stuck in my mind. What if i was? Do i belong to that 10% of the men in the world? My mind went back to that moment at the vegan toilets. I did look at that guy for quite some time, and god, he was so handsome. Wait, what? Did I just think of a guy as handsome? Am I... gay? Maybe Claire was right, maybe I am a part of that 10%.

Maybe I am gay.