She left me broken..

You left me broken.. but made me realize you played me

     I couldn't have predicted it if I had tried a million times. It's just a break, not a breakup. You wouldn't leave me. You love me way too much too let me go. you promised forever remember? You wouldn't. I know you wouldn't. It took me a while to even admit that it's a breakup, not a break. It was you giving up on all what we've had, it was you not wanting to build a future after we've spent days and nights dreaming of one, it was you deciding that we're back to being strangers again after I've been part of you. It was you running away from responsibility; it was you throwing it all away instead of trying to fix it.

     How stupid was I to think that I could resist getting caught up in you? I only realized it the moment you went away. I thought that I was stronger. I believed that I wouldn't be that fragile when it comes to you letting go of all the dreams, the hopes , when it comes to you giving up on us that fast. You left me with tears drowning my face; you left me with confused feelings. I can't say you're all responsible for the mess I've become because It was my fault for giving you a part of me I knew would stay empty after you're gone. I blame myself for loving you that much and giving you my all. I blame myself for letting you promise me forever, when all you had to offer me was a heartbreak. 

    You didn't care enough. I put you first, on the highest pedestal. I gave you the benefit of the doubt every time. I praised you for everything you did right, and defended you for everything you did wrong. I thought you were the best. You took me for granted. You didn't notice the little things nor cared to really learn about me. You never heard me defend you to my friends who tried to convince me you were no good. You couldn't feel the way my heart skipped a beat when I saw you around. You never saw the look on my face when my phone buzzed and it wasn't your name on the screen. You never realized that I was there for you whether you asked for it or not. I was never good enough for you was I?  But you let me think I was. You told me I was pretty. You always talked about how much you loved me. You always said you would be lost without my love.  You would invite yourself over, pay attention to me, and kiss me in a crowd, and that is where I thought I found my girl.  But you were also doing things I just wasn't seeing. You would promise that you would be over later, but never show up. You would tell me you were in one place when you were really in another, you would tell me you love me and reassure me that we would last forever, but in all reality your term forever had an ending.

  You built me up and proceeded to tear me down in just a few minutes. I started questioning myself, the things I did, the things I said and the way I am. I felt like everything was my fault. You took advantage of the feelings that I had for you, filled my head with lies, and made me believe that you actually cared about me. You defeated me in the end. The sadness that I felt was real, and it didn't magically go away. I spent days, nights, and weeks thinking about the past and going over what went wrong. Countless hours were spent telling myself I was better off, but I couldn't help but think that things would never be the same again. My pillow and sweatshirt sleeves had been soaked in tears. You however were fine, which lead me to think you lead me on. So i guess you leading me on have taught me a lesson. You have taught me to not let my guard down. I now think twice before making decisions, and know exactly whom the bad guys/girls are. I don't let people manipulate me anymore. Thank you for leading me on. Because of you, I'm going to find better than you could ever possibly been to me.

  Maybe one day you'll realize that you got rid of the wrong girl. You'll see me and remember all of the things that I did for you. You'll see me truly happy, and it'll bother you. At the time you wanted to be single and have no strings attached, maybe now that's changed, but you never get me back. My emotions were given to you but they were never yours to play with. I trusted you. I gave you my time and my love but you played me for a fool. You left me upset and alone with a crushed heart and nothing to show for the time I wasted on you. You think you won, but you lost. You lost because you lost me. But I have come to accept the truth. And where are you? I do not care anymore. What I had to offer to you was more than what you were willing to give back. You were not ready for what I was able to provide for you. It scared you. I wanted to make you smile and laugh. But you showed me you weren't worthy. You didn't appreciate me, But someone else will one day.I know, now, that what I deserve is someone who realizes just how amazing I really am. And that was never you.

   I told you move on. I told you I'd let you go someday. Honestly, it was one of the hardest things I've ever done but it was worth it. For me & for my heart. You hurt me so bad. You broke my heart. you killed my trust. you changed me into someone I wish I haven't become, but I knew I could be strong enough to let you go no matter how much I didn't want too in the moment where I thought I still loved you, but I knew i could do it, and I did. I finally realized that you aren't the one I fell in love with anymore.. I cant explain how proud of myself I am because i'm the only one who knows how much you hurt me. But here I am now healing. I don't hate you, nor do I love you anymore but I forgive you for failing too make our happy ending happen. I forgive you for all the lies, all the tears you brought me and most importantly I forgive you for becoming everything you promised you would never become. I feel sorry that you were way to blind too see how much I actually cared and loved you.