OUR DEMONS
“I don’t want to go to school” She cried being irritated. Her mother said “If you don’t go then I will probably have to send u to Al-Huda.” She got up as she was afraid of going to that school, that school seemed like hell to her, there were so many restrictions and girls had to wear hijab and Anaya was not very fond of wearing a dopatta on her head. She always wore jeans and top, fighting her mother, as she belonged to a religious family. Her father was living in abroad for business. In a moment she got ready for school because she didn’t want her mother to lose her temper. She had breakfast in a hurry because as always her driver uncle was before time. So in a few minutes Anaya reached her school. She was in 9th grade. Her school was the best place for her because there she could get to meet her friends, not that she liked going to school. School was more like a prison to her but she loved it because of her friends. “So you are on time again” cried Sarah. Sarah was her least favorite friend because she was always taunting her and Anaya always smiled. Sarah asked Anaya “Let’s go check on our other friends” Anaya had five friends consisting of her best friend Selena, her close friend Aliyan and of course her crush for a life time, Emir. Emir always lighted her mood up. Anaya looked at him and she couldn’t stop staring his blue eyes and his mesmerizing smile. Emir waving his hand “hello hello Anaya why are u smiling so much?” Anaya rolling her eyes said “nothing I am just so well prepared for the science test” Everyone was staring Anaya as she had done a crime learning her test. No one among her friends was well prepared for the test. So after a moment of silence Anaya said “let’s go to the classroom or we are going to be late” Sarah murmuring about Anaya went on along with her everyone went to the class. Their teacher gave them their math test. Everyone was shocked to look at such difficult and long statements. Anaya looked at Emir, he was also much tensed about test. Anaya couldn’t see him like that, she was a sweet girl and always a helping hand, so after completing her test she showed it to Emir and in short they cheated. But as we all know everything is legal in love and war. After the period was over, there was immense noise in classroom as no one was prepared for such test. Selena being Anaya’s best friend didn’t say anything to her whereas Sarah kept on blabbing about her. Selena and Anaya went along to the canteen of their school. In a moment the weather changed. Selena and Anaya were already half way through the ground. Rain started coming in torrents. There was no way, if they go towards the canteen or come back, either way they were about to have nausea. But then in a flash they saw emir running towards them with an umbrella. Anaya and Selena were shocked to see him with an umbrella as he was always “lets enjoy the weather and get wet” kind. Anyways the three of them together under one umbrella ran towards the canteen. Emir didn’t notice that he was holding Anaya’s hand. Anaya had never felt so much happy in her entire life. After getting touched by Emir, Anaya was flying in the air. She could see the world as a more beautiful place. All the nature seemed serene. She felt like he held her hand for a reason, that it was the beginning of a long long journey where they will stick their fingers together and let go. It felt like his hand was a healing hand which touched her heat and captured her soul. And in a moment a terrible feeling reached her mind. She told herself that if he loves her the way she does, she would die of happiness. And if he doesn’t, she would die either way. And this scaring thought opened her eyes and they were already in the canteen. Selena was almost wet, but not a single drop of water touched Anaya because Emir held his umbrella close to her. Selena shocked at seeing Emir with an umbrella asked him “since when did u start keeping an umbrella with you?” He giving a smile of contempt said “Selena, I love reading books about forecasting the weather that’s why I knew that it would rain” Anaya growling said “Oh Mr. I know everything, maybe u could’ve told us that it was going to rain today so we could’ve at least brought an umbrella with us” Selena laughing said “Ha! If he had told us that it would rain, how could he have become our rescuer and act as a hero” Emir with an attractive smile cried “Well well! Ladies stop being so dramatic I am your rescuer, pay a little respect” Anaya throwing water at him said “here’s ur respect Mr.” And they all laughed heartedly. After all the drama they bought stuff for eating and went to sit in the ground. Sarah as always was looking angry and shouted at aliyan. Aliyan was a pretty nice guy but he was her boyfriend so oh well, he couldn’t be any more than her servant. Aliyan and Sarah came to sit with the three of them. Aliyan with a smirking smile said “hey guys tomorrow is prom what are u guys thinking? Who are u going to pick as your partner? As I am stuck with Sarah” Sarah growled and hit him on his arm, then they all laughed. This put Anaya into a worry. She could never think of asking Emir about going to prom with her. So she sat quiet and Emir kept on looking at her honey colored eyes which he always praised. So the school bell rang and they all went to home. Anaya almost crying asked her mother “mom u promised you would buy me a new dress, tomorrow is prom and I still don’t have anything to wear.” Her mother said “Patience my love, come here let me show you something” Anaya’s mother took her to her wardrobe and showed her the dress she bought for her. Anaya cried “Oh my God! Mom are u serious? Am I really going to wear this? Is this really mine? Oh my God this is so so so”. “Beautiful, I know.” Her mother said. She also added “yes dear you’re going to wear this.” The dress was something like end of the world pretty. The dress was pink and puffy and decorated with diamantes. There were rhinestones along the straps. And the top and the silt came up above her knee. It was the puffiest dress ever! So Anaya had everything, the beautiful dress, high heeled shoes, and beautiful jewelry. She had everything except for a date. She was quite worried but it was okay because Selina didn’t have a date as well so they decided that they would hang out with one another. So the prom night came. Anaya was looking stunning and her mother said “Beware of boys they might jump on you because you’re looking that much pretty” Anaya was so much excited. Her honey colored eyes were looking even more beautiful with mascara on them. Her cheeks were so red -that they didn’t even need blush-on. She was looking so pretty that even her family members were surprised. She was a brunette and her hairs were liked by all because most of her friends were blonde. So she was waiting for her limo to arrive because Selina’s father owned it. So finally Selina with her driver came. Selena was also looking no less than Anaya. Selena said “Oh my god Anaya u look extremely beautiful, someone will surely ask u out” Anaya felt that something was fishy so she asked “Selina why did u say that? Do u have a date already? Selena not wanting to break her heart said “our class fellow saim asked me out” Anaya looking shocked said “the cute guy?” Selena smiling “yes, and I didn’t want to say no to such a cute faced guy so I said yes” Anaya was angry at first but then she was okay because Emir hadn’t asked anyone yet. They rode together towards their college. When they reached there they found out that they were not the only ones looking amazing. Everyone was looking beautiful that night. Emir passed by Anaya and didn’t recognize her at first and started talking to Selena. After a moment he carefully observed her and realized she was Anaya standing beside her. Emir was shocked to see this side of Anaya. He couldn’t believe his eyes and kept on staring her. Anaya delighted Emir’s eyes. Her beauty was magnificent. He fell for her at that very moment. Anaya was also staring him. She knew that stare. She knew that he was about to say something to her. She couldn’t wait. She could feel butterflies in her tummy. She just wanted to burst out and hug emir at that very moment. Emir suspecting her beauty said with a shine in his eyes “Anaya I have no words to describe u. U look amazingly beautiful today. I am speechless.” Anaya started blushing. Emir asked her “will you be kind enough to be my prom date Anaya? Anaya couldn’t stand on her feet. And she said yes like three times. Emir kept laughing. When they were done talking they saw that Selina was already gone with her date. Both of them looked at Sarah and aliyan. They made an amazing couple as well. In a moment, Emir held Anaya’s hand and took her to the dance floor. “I am afraid that I cannot dance” Said Anaya. “Doesn’t matter. I don’t know how to dance as well. All I know is that couples hold their hands, lock their fingers, lean over to each other and stare each other’s eyes” said emir. Anaya confiding in emir’s assurances started dancing. They were wild on the dance floor. They danced and danced and didn’t bother hundreds who were staring at them. And suddenly the music stopped which made them stop as well. At the end Emir gave Anaya a chewing gum, it was one of the chewing gums she loved. Everyone’s prom night went amazing except for Sarah because as always she was fighting. But it was okay. So Anaya went to her home and told her mother everything about the amazing night she had. And then their love began. Emir was finally in love with Anaya. Anaya’s world seemed so beautiful to her. It felt as if she had everything in her life. Emir loved Anaya madly. They were blind in each other’s love. They made so many promises. Promises of standing by each other. Promise of being sincere. Promise of never leaving each other. Promise of keeping in touch with each other. Promise to listen to each other. Promise to be there when he needed her. Promise to be honest with each other. Promise to never do anything that would screw their relationship. Promise to never change. And a promise of, always loving each other and making their love stronger with time and not weaker. Their love was so young. They loved each other like nobody else. Everyone knew about them and never even thought of lying an eye upon them. But then the treachery began. “Why are u holding each other’s hands?” asked Anaya after seeing Selina and emir holding each other’s hands. Emir was confused and let go of Selina’s hand in a hurry. Selena seemed confused as well. Selena didn’t have an excuse to tell Anaya. But Anaya trusted Selina blindly so she was okay with it. But Anaya didn’t know that her best friend whom she trusts completely will one day become her bitterest enemy. Anaya was very much possessive and sensitive in matters of love because she was the only child. The winter season came. She loved winter season and mostly because her father used to visit her in that season. She was excited and she couldn’t stop thinking about the presents her father will get her. But then one day, she heard a news. Which turned her world upside down, which made her feel insecure in this world, which made her a lonely girl, which made her feel the most unblessed girl in the world. She was sitting in the lounge. The phone bell rang, she was too lazy to reach it. So after two or three bells her mother scolding Anaya picked up the phone. The guy on the phone told something to her mother which made her mother fall onto the ground. Anaya was frightened. Anaya picked up the call and the guy told her “I am sorry for your loss but your father died in a plane crash” On hearing the news she knew the reason why her mother fell onto the ground. She quickly called an ambulance which picked her mother and took her to the hospital. She called all her relatives. And then the doctor came out from the operation theatre and told Anaya the exact same thing the guy on the phone told her. “Your mother got a cardiac arrest and she wasn’t brought to the hospital on time which resulted into the death of your mother. I am sorry for your loss but nature’s laws are absolute we have to bow down against them” Anaya screamed loudly. She screamed so somebody would hear her cries and bring her parents back to her. She screamed so loudly that all the birds outside started chirping. She cried so loudly that it shook the hospital. She cried and cried. She begged God to bring her parents back to her. She cried so much that the rain started to come. The sky was also crying. Anaya was not an ordinary girl. She was loved by all. She was loved by God. She was loved by animals. She was so sweet that no one could ever think of hurting her. She was a saint. She never thought of hurting people. And she never thought that God will take away her parents. Everyone, her relatives told her to calm down. Even though her school friends were there to calm her down but she just wouldn’t listen to them. She kept on crying. But emir made her feel better. She was not eating anything for a few days but emir made her eat and she cried on his shoulder. She was not yet prepared to face such massive accident in her life. But we all know that we cannot do anything. We cannot stop this world. Death of a person doesn’t affect life. It doesn’t stop if a person dies. LIFE GOES ON. Emir told Anaya “God can save us, but if He sees fit that we shouldn’t be saved, we must but rely that He does it most for our good”. Emir’s words made Anaya feel relaxed but she didn’t know for certain that emir was an enemy of hers hiding behind a friendly mask. Anaya’s parents were dead. She couldn’t afford an expensive school now. Her relatives were taking care of her now. She was forced to go to Al-Huda, the hell on earth for her. She resisted wearing hijab for a few days. One day she was sitting the garden playing with her pet benji, she was called by her aunt. She went inside. Her aunt told her that someone was on call for her. She picked up the receiver. It was Sarah. They talked like people do in routine. But then all of a sudden another news made her life even worse than it already was. Sarah said “I have been observing something lately in school. That creates an element of confusion for everyone at school” “what? Why? What is going on? Everything thing all right?” said Anaya. Sarah began to tell her “Selina and emir have been hanging out so much lately. Whenever we see them they are together. I even asked Selina about what was going on but she always changed the topic. But then one thing shocked us all. Emir in front of everyone proposed Selina. We were all silent. We were not expecting anything like that. And the sad part was that Selina said yes to him. I don’t understand. Have you guys broken up? Or they are cheating on you?” Anaya after a moment of silence “I don’t know what you’re talking about. We never broke up. Infact emir never talked about breakups. I hope you are not lying Sarah. I am putting my faith into you. Please tell me why all this?” Sarah. “I don’t know Anaya. I wish I knew. I am sorry. Just thought you should know. Laters.” After this Anaya was heartbroken. First the death of her father, then the death of her mother, then the change of school, and then this. The cheating of emir on her. Anaya didn’t know what to do. She did what any person would do at that moment. She called emir. “Hey emir. What am I hearing? What is going on in school? What are you doing?” Emir. “What are you talking about?” “You know very well what I am talking about. You’re a liar. You cheated on me?” Emir cried “let me explain Anaya” Anaya. “I don’t need an explanation.” Emir “I am sorry. Whatever you heard is true. I don’t mean to hurt you and I hope you will be okay with it.” “ I want you to leave and never show me your face again” with this Anaya put down the receiver. She was so sad. She was feeling lonely. The only person she used to talk to when she was sad was Selina, but she was the one who made her sad this time. She didn’t know what to do. What to say. Whom to trust. Whom to love. She was confused. She had never thought that emir would leave her like this. She wanted to ask him why he left when he promised he would stay. She was looking for answers she never will get. Why did he leave her all of a sudden? Why everything happened so quickly? She didn’t want to live in this world anymore. She had lost the confidence in herself. She was sure of losing control on herself. When she needed people most they left her. When she wanted a shoulder to cry on, no one was there. She had planned so many things for future but she didn’t have a slightest idea of what Allah had planned for her. She was left out. She was hardly breathing. She couldn’t cry for she had lost it. She was no longer a smiling lady who loves to laugh. She was feeling miserable and neglected. Even her inner self was not standing with her. She couldn’t look back for the past was filled with horrors and she didn’t want to look ahead because she didn’t want to move on. A tiny little change in her life made her hate herself. Emir taught her to love but then left her. Love ended when she needed it the most. She saw everyone evil. Everyone around her was stone hearted, without emotions. Whenever Anaya met emir she used to talk so much. But now that he had left it was hard for her to sleep. First the talks were long then the nights were long. All she wanted to hear was an excuse. A reason why emir left her and she would’ve gotten out of his life by herself. Every time she thought of the memories the good ones she spent with him, her crying eyes, received a light. And even on her sad face she had a smile. She smiled when she remembered when she used to cry for emir, and she cried when she thought of smiling with emir. For he was no longer with her. She loved that feeling when she was with emir. She loved the feeling when she saw him in her dream. She loved the thought of being with him forever. She always felt perfect when she was with him. But now the feeling was gone. She had horror dreams instead of pretty ones. She no longer felt perfect. She felt that she had so many flaws and Selina was perfect. Emir always made Anaya smile, but now he made Selina smile. Emir used to check up on Anaya but now he does that with Selina. He used to protect Anaya but now he protects Selina. He used to love Anaya but now he loved Selina. The demons inside Anaya never stopped murmuring for a moment. They always told Anaya how fool she was to trust her best friend with the love of her life. She regretted not stopping Selina for the first time she saw her with him. She had become a patient. Whenever she used to go out with her aunt, she always heard the clattering of dishes and spoons more than normal people hear. She was suffering by a psychological problem. Whenever Anaya used to go to bed for sleep, the thoughts in her mind didn’t let her sleep. Anaya was growing more and more pale and feeble by the time. She could no longer tell the difference between nightmares and reality. Hiding from the monsters no longer worked because the monsters weren’t under her bed they were in her head. After all how could she run from what was inside her? She was not going to the new school she got admission in. she started to write a diary because no one wanted to listen to her. She used to cry in her prayers because no one wanted to hear her cries. She was left alone. She barely went to school she always made an excuse then the spring season finally came. She had vacations for a week. Her aunt with whom she was living was observing Anaya. She knew something was wrong. She thought that a change of environment would help her get better. She knew that Anaya always wanted to spend her vacations somewhere near nature and where everything is natural and created by Allah. So she thought of spending this vacations at the cabin in the woods which her father owned. Anaya always wanted to go there because it was in a valley. Aunt Eliza said to Anaya “you are going to be so excited after you hear what I have for you. It is a surprise” Anaya was not very fond of surprises. She in a dull voice said “why? What Is it? U know that I don’t like surprises.” “We are going to spend our vacations in the cabin where you always wanted to go “aunt Eliza said. Anaya. “Are you serious? Really? Is dad going with us?” but soon she realized that daddy was no longer there. So the light on her face disappeared in a moment. She was happy to go there. Aunt Eliza’s two children, Ayesha and Azka were also with them. Everyone was excited to go there except Anaya. But she didn’t want to ruin Ayesha and Azka’s mood. So she got ready. She packed her clothes. And they were all ready to set out for a journey of two hours. Anaya fell asleep as usual. But after a time Ayesha the younger one exclaimed “Wake up Anaya, wake up! Look at the beauty! Look at the mountains, so green. The trees so tall. The pleasant weather. Hurry up you don’t want to miss it” Anaya being irritated said “okay okay so what is it that you’re so excited about people?” but there was no need for them to tell anything to Anaya. Anaya saw the beauty herself. They were travelling on a road which was being followed by a river side by side. And they were all travelling in between two mountain ranges. The course of the river was so harsh. They could hear the sound of water rushing onto the stones it passed by. Then in a moment Azka cried “Anaya look at the mountain, there is a water fall!” Anaya looked at the water fall. Then she looked up. She saw that on the peak of the mountain, there was snow. The snow was so white it seemed like cotton. The snow was melting which resulted into the making of this beautiful water fall. She could not believe her eyes. The water fall was so magnificent. Water was flowing down fast. And after they were done delighting their eyes with the beauty of nature Aunt Eliza said “we are here.” They reached the cabin. The cabin seemed like a dump. But it was okay. The cabin was a small house made of wood. It seemed like a barrack house but then after a day they all worked hard and turned it into a place where they could live. The cabin on three sides was surrounded by trees and on one side by huge hills. Anaya was very fond of nature. She wanted to go see what was in the hills. So the next day they hiked. The hill was covered with thick trees. Light could hardly come in the forest for there was no room for it. The chirping of birds was heard. Anaya saw all kinds of natural objects. She also caught mushrooms and fried them as dinner. Aunt Eliza was observing that Anaya was getting better day by day and she was now smiling. She was not happy like she used to, but aunt Eliza thought that she was bringing her to life. After this beautiful trip Anaya and her cousins and aunt went back to their home. Anaya was feeling better and thus decided to start going to her school ‘al-Huda’ and live in their hostel because she soon felt that she was a burden on her aunt. She went to the school. Everyone was staring her as she was not wearing a dopatta and they were all afraid about what would happen when their teacher Amina see her like that. Teacher Amina was strict. She was in charge of the student’s clothing and uniform and of course their hijab which was a compulsion. So finally when Anaya went to the class room each of her classmates were staring her. Her teacher Amina came into the class room. “Good morning teacher” the students exclaimed. She was a nice teacher. She didn’t point Anaya out for she was not wearing hijab. After the class was over mam Amina called Anaya. She asked “dear, why don’t you wear hijab? You see, it is a compulsory substitute in this school” Anaya. “Mam I never wore hijab in my entire life. I don’t want to.” Amina asked “are you a Muslim”? “Yes” replied Anaya proudly. Amina asked “do you know why it is told in our holy book Quran, that a female Muslim should wear dopatta on her head”? Anaya was silent for she never asked the reason nor she wanted to know. Mam Amina then started telling Anaya the reason. “The main principle reason for the hijab is modesty, which is not wishing to receive unnecessary attention from people, such as admiration and flattery, envy, or, most importantly, attraction from those other than her husband. Great care is taken to keep bad thoughts, feelings and interactions to within the boundaries of the marital relationship. A woman is given great importance in terms of respect. If she wants to gain respect she must wear clothes that are halal in Islam.” Mam Amina was teacher of islamiat. She knew a lot about these than any person would know. She added. In Quran, Allah has told our Prophet Muhammad (S.A.A.W) “O Prophet, tell your wives and daughters and the believing women to draw their outer garments around them (when they go out or are among men). That is better in order that they may be known (to be Muslims) and not annoyed.” Mam Amina said that wearing the hijab was an act of obedience to God. And our sole purpose in life being a Muslim was to obey Him. She also told Anaya that it is up to you whether or not you should wear hijab. I or anyone else is not going to force you to do so. If you want to wear hijab wear it by your choice.” Anaya was silent for she heard the real purpose of life. The other day everyone was surprised to see that Anaya was wearing hijab on her head. Al-Huda had changed her life. She was now more close to Allah almighty. Everyone was staring her. Except for one woman who was utterly happy to see that her lecture didn’t go to waste and she actually got influence from her. She was mam Amina. She was so happy. She gave a pat on Anaya’s head for she knew that it was the beginning. Soon Anaya was done with her studies. Now she was to leave Al-Huda and join a university for graduating. She chose to become a doctor because it was her father’s wish. She got admission in a medical college. The best one in the world. ‘Royal medical college United kingdom’ she was frightened for she was to go into a whole new country for studies. The thing that worried her most was her hijab. How she was going to be able to live there with that badge. So the day came. She flew to UK. She was astonished to see the country. She lived with her aunt in UK for she was not ready to live in an unknown country all by herself. She went to college for the first day. Everyone stared at her for no one thought of Muslims as a good community. But this rude behavior of people couldn’t lead her to leave her religion. She wore hijab daily. There were negative consequences and reactions from the American society. She received negative comments from people but she appreciated the feeling of modesty wearing the hijab gave her, and ironically, the negative attention made her feel more proud to be identified as a Muslim. She made a friend, Cathy, who was a Canadian by nation. She was the only girl who was not against her wearing hijab for she knew that it was her religion and her life and it was her choices to make. The more Cathy got to know Anaya the more she got near Islam. At the end when Anaya was finally graduated and had become a doctor she received another good news which made her love her life. Her Canadian friend Cathy, accepted Islam. She became a Muslim because of Anaya’s good behavior with her. Slowly people realized that it was not a sin to follow the path of their religion. So everyone accepted her. After graduating she went back to Pakistan to help mankind. One day she went to the hospital where she used to work. She saw a patient. She couldn’t recognize him. But she felt that she had met him before. She gave less heed to that thought and went to him. When she saw the name, it was emir. She couldn’t believe it. Emir was in the hospital. She had an accident. And Anaya was his doctor. Anaya didn’t want him to know who she was because she wanted to kill him for what he did to her. But how could she? How could she kill someone whom she spent her entire life loving. She wanted to run away. Emir was staring her. Emir was also trying to recognize her. Before he could, Anaya went back. But then a moment changed the scene. The nurse called Anaya, “doctor Anaya you’re needed” Anaya looked back at emir for he had realized that she was Anaya. Anaya wanted to go away but emir called her. “Anaya, wait.” Anaya never listened to anyone before but emir’s voice made her stop. She felt something. She felt that she had never gotten over him. She found out that all these years all she was doing was hiding from her feelings. But right then all of a sudden all those feelings came back. She was quiet. Emir wanted to say something but getting control over her feelings Anaya went away. The other day, emir’s operation took place. Anaya healed him. And went away. It was an expensive operation and Emir was not able to pay for it. When he went to the reception, he asked for the bill, the lady replied that some woman paid for his operation, he asked who she was. She told him that she left this note for you. On the note it was written “Paid with one chewing gum” He realized that Anaya paid for it. He tried to look for her but he couldn’t find her. Every day he used to come to the hospital Anaya worked in to meet her and then, one day he met her. She wanted to get away but emir held her hand. She stood quiet. Emir explained everything. He said “I am sorry Anaya. I did cheat on you with your best friend but I didn’t know at that time that your parents’ death would affect our lives that much. I was no longer able to meet you for you changed your school. And you were never the same again. You were not as talkative as you used to be. You had changed. Anyways it is my fault. What happened has happened. All I wanted to do was apologize for my mistake and just so you know Selina left me a long time ago. And at that time I realized that leaving you was the greatest mistake I had ever made in my life” Anaya was angry at him. But his voice melted her heart. She wanted to tell something to emir, “do you know how I have been spending my life ever since? I was abused. I was scolded. I was pointed at for being with you. Leave everything. You made me meet death. I was lonely. I had no one at my side NO ONE. My parent’s death was enough of a shock for me. My legs used to shake just thinking about you. My eyes were watery without you, tears were flowing out larger and larger. My whole body was trembling for you. My arms were craving to hold you once more. My soul was withering away deep from its core. You were my passion emir. I loved you. What makes me even more depressed is when I saw the picture in my head how life was supposed to be. All your promises made that vision in my head. But, you broke all of them. Sometimes I got so sad that it was hard for me to breathe.” Emir giving Anaya a hug and wiping her tears away said “I am sorry Anaya. Look I am here now.” Anaya asked emir to break a plate, then say sorry to it, does it repair? Do you understand? Saying sorry doesn’t change anything. Anaya was so depressed. She was crying. She couldn’t think of a thing. She kept on saying what she had been holding in herself for so long. She asked emir that why she should live this life, she asked him to give her a reason to love her life. Emir told her that he was here for her. Anaya asked, “Do you want to know a secret emir? I am dying. Every day, every hour, every minute, every second. A little by little. I have an unbreakable smile to please people around me, but deep inside a broken heart. i act strong, but I cry every night just to sleep at night. I am losing the battle within, but no one notices it. And this secret, is killing me on the inside. But i pretend that everything is alright on the outside. I am dying on the inside. I am losing the fight. I am fighting to stay on the right side. I am trying to be alright. But I just can’t. You left me for no good reason.” Emir. “Anaya I said I am sorry. I don’t have anything else to say. Punish me if you want but please enough with the cries!” Anaya “I don’t need you. Let me move on with my life. There are no happy endings. Leave me for all I care.” Emir “Anaya please. Don’t.” Anaya went away wiping her tears away. She knew for certain that this was of no use. She couldn’t go back to someone who left her when she needed him the most. There was no guarantee if he would not cheat on her again. She went away. And away. It was okay. She had moved on. She didn’t want to waste her life at someone who walked away. She got over him. She moved on. Anaya unwillingly let emir get away from her. But deep within she wanted him to stay. She wanted someone to be with her. She still had those feelings. She was trying to fight with the demons in her who kept on telling her to get back together with emir. The truth is that we’re all in the same game just different levels. Dealing with the same hell just different devils. Fighting our feelings is the most difficult battle ever. Anaya kept on repeating in her head that emir is no good to her. He will probably leave her again. But who can fight with their emotions? Emotions are a part of us. We are all sensitive emotional fools. She showed the world that she was a strong person but don't think that being a strong person is about ignoring your emotions and fighting your feelings. Somewhere somehow she had to face her emotions and feelings for emir. She put on a brave face to tell people that she is a strong girl who can fight with her demons but faking your stoniness doesn't mean you're a brave person. That's why everybody in her life knew everything that she was going through. She couldn’t hide anything from them. People need to realize that being open isn't the same as being weak. Fighting her way back on her feet when life knocked her down, while they all thought she couldn’t rise again, is what makes her a true survivor. Anaya was the best of her kind. She is a role model for all the girls out there. An educated girl, following the footsteps of Islam, helping mankind, and the love she shared with children. Oh, so beautiful the hijab looked on her. She was a pure soul. Loved by all. Admired by all. Idolized by all. People who got close to her, knew that she was no less than an angel. She was sent into the world to give people hope. Even after losing her parents and all the loved ones she stood strong. She was beyond words. Her honey colored eyes. And when she used to tremble those beautiful eyes. She looked no less than a nightingale. But poor her. No one cared about her beautiful eyes for all they gave her was tears. But she never gave up. She followed one principle in her life that “you cannot have a better tomorrow if you’re thinking about yesterday all the time” she got over emir. She was or at least she thought she was better off without emir. Anaya didn’t need his support now for he left when she needed him most. He made a thousand promises but fulfilled none. He was a heart breaker. And so she gave up on him. She started loving someone who would be always around. One might not know but He is always around. She started loving someone who would love her back. She started making someone happy who made her happy. She loved someone who never disappointed her. Someone who had faith in her that she would do something far beyond words. She loved someone who fulfills His promises and never ignores one’s prayers. Yes she started loving Allah. Because indeed He is the only one who would be there, always. She didn’t need to conquer the world. For the world is created by Allah. Anaya loved Allah so she needn’t to get worried. The whole universe was hers. Anaya didn’t want jewels or anything that she was to leave in this world, all she ever wanted was a place, a little corner in paradise and that was it. That was the only place Anaya could live happily. And to get to that place she had to love Allah. So as she did. She was touched by God. She always spoke calmly. Never argued with anyone. Always stood quiet and minded her own business. At first she used to complain to God for the worries and tensions He gave her. She used ask Him that she always remembered her old friends, was there anyone who thinks about her? She always prayed for them, was there anyone who prayed for her? She cried for them, did any one of them cry for her? She used to get worried for other’s tensions, was there anyone who got worried of her tensions? She compromised every time but was anyone ready to compromise for her? She used to do everything she could to make her loved ones more happy and comfortable with her, was there anyone out there who would do the same for her? She used to make everyone smile even though she was depressed, but did anyone make her smile when she was depressed or even came to see her? She always gave hope to her friends who were tired of their lives and wanted to suicide, was there anyone who would’ve done the same for her? She never thought of doing something bad with others, but everyone in her life left her and made her feel bad. She used to love everyone. She used to care for everyone. Was there anyone who would care for her? Or even love her a tiny bit? But it was okay. After a few days she realized that not everyone is blessed with these problems. Problems are a blessing. Because when we are facing a problem, our God wants to see what we do. It is the best way to earn paradise. By taking the right decision. Anaya soon realized that this life was nothing. It was a game of shadows. She couldn’t run away from her shadows neither she could walk with them. Life has no meaning. If you want to look for the meaning, love God. She loved God. She obeyed him. She was one of God’s favorite. She was loved by Him. She had earned herself paradise. And all of it was because of the problems and sorrows she faced in her life. Now was the time she finally gets to see paradise. Before leaving all she did was write a letter to (Selina and emir) she wrote a letter which made them run towards her. She wrote…. “I am leaving this world forever. I loved you all. I never expected something like this from you. All I want in return is a promise that you will come to my funeral. That you will see my dead body. That you will cry for me in front of the world and all the people there and tell them you made my life miserable. Your lies. Your faithlessness. Everything that you did. Promise me that you will tell everyone that separation from one person made her meet death. Promise me you will show love for me. Promise me that you will pray for me. Promise me that you’ll always be afraid when you hear my name. Promise me that you will come to my grave, leaving aside all your life’s problems and tensions, and you will put flowers on my grave. Promise me that you will come to my grave daily and rise your hands to pray for me. Promise me…. By the time you will be reading this, I would’ve already met death. Now come running towards me. I am waiting for you. I am now about to make the great adventure. I cannot endure this agonizing pain any longer. It is all over my body. Good bye my friend, good bye my love. We will be reunited one day that’s my hope. Let’s have no sadness. I must end it. There is no hope left. My decision is total. Good bye.” With this she was euthanized by her friend Cathy. But maybe emir and Anaya were destined to be together. Cathy didn’t complete her work and Anaya didn’t die. she was sent into a hospital. Emir after reading Anaya’s letter came running towards her. He found her in hospital. He saw her. Her lying there. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t see for she was under anesthesia. Emir came to her room while she was still sleeping. He held her hand. He made a promise. An everlasting promise. A promise to be with her forever. Anaya opened her eyes. And in a moment Anaya saw emir sitting beside her on her bed. At first she thought she was in paradise. But then she cried “I never thought that in paradise I would be in a hospital” emir started laughing. He pinched Anaya so she could believe that she was not dreaming. She had lived to see another day or maybe lived to see emir. Anaya couldn’t resist emir anymore. She came out of death’s mouth. She had to be true to herself now. She told emir that she was ready to take the risk. Emir smiled heartily as if his life’s dream had been realized. He was so pleased with God. They were again together but this time there was no Selina in their lives. They loved each other without being afraid of what would happen next. They loved and loved. And finally one day emir asked Anaya “will you marry me? I want to live the rest of my life with you. I can’t live apart even a second. I want to make you mine now.” Anaya without even thinking for a moment and with tears of happiness flowing down her eyes cried “yes! Yes.” And with this they got married. They lived happily ever after. And Anaya finally learnt to let go of her demons.
THE END
Written by
HIBA ARSHAD SHAHANI BALOCH
YOU ARE READING
OUR DEMONS by Hiba Baloch
FantasíaA short story about a girl who lost faith in the world.
