How To Be A Heartbreaker (DBZ)

Afire Love

Two months later: February

Engulf me in your light. Sink me into the essence of your being. Tell me I'm yours and I'll say your mine. This messed up love is ruining the both of us, I know. I've flown away, far away. Out of the simple pure essence that is fear.

I'm a coward, yes I know.

But, through my new adjustments of life, I've learned one thing; the only thing stronger than fear is hope and love. I've always been scared. Scared to admit that from the moment I felt your hands enclose into mine up until now my heart squeezes at the thought of you.

I've heard you are happy now, you have a girl, and she's beautiful. Despite these simplistic things, what Nana told me was true. My emotions and everything that ran through these very veins; They are engulfed in the essence of whom you are.

Nana told me I'd sink into you, and that's exactly what happened. I let you shatter the only shield my heart had, but I still protected it. Cloaked it from sight, invisible and unattainable.

You thought you didn't have it, but you had it chained to yours all along.

But as time went on, and you find someone else to reclaim your shattered heart, our chain broke.

That was completely my fault.

I wonder if you look back at me with disgust...or with anger. You must, you probably hate me. But now, the tables turn. I love you, but my feelings are unrequited. I'm not the kind to drown my sorrows in Vodka and Whisky, endless rounds until I'm passed out, drunk, on the ground but you've made me become this mess.

There was a reason I left you there, all alone in the sidewalk. You didn't react back... you were frozen. It was a test and you failed. I desperately wanted to know if these feelings would be returned; here I am stuck, trying to be my own savior.

How pathetic am I, right? You probably laugh, love, enjoying life with whoever she is. But it was truly my fault that I let you out of my grasp, and now you're with someone else.

I wonder; does she know you like I do? Does she know how you like your coffee, and does she know how to handle your hotheaded self? Does she get fed up with the stupidities you blurt out?

Does Trunks Briefs know that I'm now desperately trying to put myself back together? I'm my own downfall. I'm the sinking ship that is, my mind.

If I didn't have him to release these idiocies and regrets too, then what was I to do?

I never thought that I'd be the one, to want him back. Not even romantically, just his presence was enough. I don't know if he maybe, just maybe, has her to make me feel envious that he's happy and I'm not. Does he still have lingering feelings for me?

I doubt it.

Maybe...

Maybe...

Maybe you still think of me the way I do of you. It's blind hope, yes, but a man can't help but hope. I've heard you have a job in fashion, a clothing line becoming insanely successful. Paris, right?

I wished you had let me have your heart, I would have sheltered it, treated it with care. But; I bet you found someone to tend your wounds as I myself have a Brazilian model, whom can't cure the constant heartaches I have at night. She's beautiful, yes, however, beauty isn't what can help me.

Sometimes I wish I was your one and only, but I know that isn't so. You see; you are in the city of love where romance is in every corner. Someone worthy of your time will come along; whisk you away while I'm stuck in the never-ending, regretting battle.

Should I have kissed you back?

Would you have stayed if I grabbed you in that moment pressed you against me and never let you go? I think of this often, and often will I think of it until the day they lay me in my grave, sinking into oblivion as another forgotten person.

I understand you, and your motives. You broke hearts not for fun, but for relief. You came to me because I'm the one who caused you to become this person. You hate me... purely detest me. I can't help but agree.

I'm a shitty person.

I understand now your power games; I understand that the final kiss signaling our last meeting point was a test. You wanted to know if I felt the same way. But since I didn't...you left, thinking to stay would mean yet again another betrayal of the heart.

But I was so stunned, so scared, so...everything my senses, my mind didn't know how to react.

Last week, I passed by your parent's house. Krillin and Eighteen told me things about you. How you didn't die in the car crash, but, as like me, lost your own memories.

Memories of yours distorted.

Much like mine.

We're both drifting along, with locked memories.

Because I know you saw my rage, and you saw me that day in the hospital, remember, when I would walk into your room, yet...not know who you were? Ask if you were okay, even if we didn't remember anything about each other?

Maybe you knew afterward but forgot as memories returned replacing the newer ones.

Strangely, that wasn't my case. But, I don't think I can ever forget you. Forget you in the sense that, I'll always know where you are...even if my memories are washed away.

My heart drives me to you; I want to have the key to your steel locked heart, but there was no possibility of obtaining that key when your miles from me. Even if I could fly to you, find where you stay...it won't be the same, you'd kill me, kick me out.

Here I lay late at night, staring at the blank white roof of my bedroom, a cigar between my lips. What have I become really?

Seriously? I've become a melodramatic sob story, and lately, I've been thinking things that I shouldn't. I don't know how it happened really; I don't know why I'm so madly in love with you, to begin with. You're so frigid, so cold...such a terrible person.

Then again, so am I.

Because despite not having memories, I still managed to shatter your heart and manage to seemingly put on a façade that truly didn't care. Stoic, unemotional; I've changed.

Runaway love, why did you disappear; better yet, why did you?

Why are you so scared of being loved? Isn't the past behind us now?

Things I want to tell you still just can't come out; desires to be near you have your body lay beside mine, our hearts beating as one.

My chances are gone.

But the love I feel for you is still engulfing who I am.

Hoist the anchor; I'm sinking.