I'm not going to sugar coat this.
The reason I haven't updated any of my books for a while is because I tried to kill myself.
Having depression isn't easy and with my sensitive emotions it's even worse. Everything seems to make me sad or make me hate myself. I hate myself for just about anything I do. I act so happy around people but if only you could see how I am once I have alone time.
I do things like I did a few days ago. I try to end myself and when I do then I hate myself even more and feel like a disgrace. I'll be taking a recovery break but hopefully I can update soon.
Another thing that makes me freak out and go into massive, emotional breakdowns is when I feel even the tiniest bit of stress. Social anxiety causes my stress and every where I go, there are people. I always feel like someone's watching and judging me.
Tomorrow I have to stand up in front of a big crowd to kick off some talent show thing and I've told the person in charge so many times that I can't do it and they are refusing to find someone else for the job.
I can't fucking handle it and it's stressing me out more than anything.
I'm sorry for not updating but please keep in mind that I really do love and appreciate you guys. ♡♡
Side note:
I fucking love Jams and Pat. I know Pat will never see this but Jams might.
Jams manages to make everything hilarious to me. She could say the dumbest thing ever and I would laugh at it for some reason.❤️😚
Pat is going through the same things as me. He understands and he's someone I can always talk to. Bless him for introducing me to NF's music. ❤️😚
