A week has passed, and once again we’re sitting in the doctor’s office. I will do everything in my power to save her, or at the very least, keep her with me for a little longer. The doctor shakes his head at me,
“You can try, but I’m telling you, it’s too far along to do much. I think in the end you’ll be wasting your money.”
I wish I could have hit him. Did he not understand? My wife was more valuable than money.
“We’re going to do the treatments.”
I said determined. I would not let him win. Surely there was a chance she would make it, and I couldn’t just throw away that ever so small chance. I came to sit beside my wife. She looks at me, sadness in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?”
I ask, concerned that maybe I had done something wrong.
“The doctor said it was too late. Why are you doing this?”
I just gawk at her. Can she be serious? I’m trying to save her life, and now she is asking me why. I grab her by the shoulders,
“Listen to me, you are more valuable to me than anything else in the world. If I can save you, I will do everything I can to do so.”
“But it won’t save me.”
“But it could!”
I sighed dejectedly. She leaned over and kissed my lightly, then smiled gently,
“Alright. I’ll go through treatments for you.”
I looked at her, then wrapped my arms around her, holding her for a long moment.
“I just don’t know what to do.”
I confessed.
“All I know is that I don’t want you to leave me.”
“I won’t leave you. Not in spirit anyway.”
I pulled away, but clasped her hand in mine.
“That’s not very comforting.”
“Why?”
“I want you here, with me, not as my guardian angel.”
She laughed softly, then leaned over to kiss me again.
“Maybe I already am your guardian angel.”
She said as she drew away. I sighed softly, giving up.
“Yeah.”
I said softly,
“Maybe you are.”
We left together, hand in hand. This time I didn’t force her to keep holding my hand, but she kept holding it anyway. She only let go to climb in the car. I sat in driver’s seat, thinking before starting the car.
“What are you thinking about?”
She asked me.
“Life.”
I replied. I didn’t know how else to answer. My thoughts were disjointed and muddled. Finally I backed out, and drove out of the parking lot.
Her surgery was scheduled a week later. They would only be able to remove the cancer from the most effected places, it had spread too far to get rid of it. I remember waiting outside, pacing, sitting, sometimes even lying down, but I never left the waiting room. It seemed like I was there for an eternity. I was so scared, I hadn’t even gotten to say any last words before they put her under and wheeled her into the surgical room. Every moment was agonizing as I tortured my mind imagining every horrible situation. By the time they came out, I think I had probably gone through every black ending to this imaginable. Then the surgeon came out. I was sitting down, my face in my hands. I was hunched over so I didn’t see him. He tapped me on the shoulder, and smiled kindly.
“The surgery went smoothly.”
He said. No ‘the surgery went great!’ or ‘she’s well on her way to recovery!’ just ‘it went smoothly.’ But I smiled relieved anyway.
“So she’ll get better?”
I asked, already knowing that it was a stupid question. The surgeon frowned,
“Well she’ll recover from the surgery well. As for the cancer?”
He shook his head, seeming to be regretful that he couldn’t tell me what I so desperately wanted to hear,
“We just don’t know.”
He said. I stood, and he led me to her room. I rushed to her side. She was sleeping, more peacefully than I had seen her sleep in a long time. I hoped that through her unconsciousness she could feel as I gently stoked her hand. They had taken off her wedding ring for the surgery. I looked around and saw it in a baggy on the bedside table. I opened the baggy and shook it out into my palm. Looking at it stirred up fond memories. I held it up to the light, just like I had when I had first bought it, and just like she had when she had accepted my proposal.
“It’s so beautiful.”
She had said to me. I had nodded in agreement. Before leaving to return home and catch a few hours of sleep before morning, I slipped the ring on her finger. I didn’t want her to wake up without it. Then I leaned down and whispered in her ear,
“By the way, you are more valuable than anything else in this world.”
