It happened last year. When my dad told me and my siblings that he and our mom were going to get a divorce. I was devastated I can remember holding back my tears at school because I didn't want to cause a scene. All I wanted to do was fade out of existence. That's when it started. Every night I would lay awake thinking of death, all I wanted to do was die. I wanted to leave from this cruel, depressing, fucked up world. I mean it's not like anyone would even notice, they probably wouldn't even care.
My family told me every day "you've changed, who have you been hanging out with that made you so different." They always made it worse because my friends were there for me when they weren't. Two of my best friends also suffer from depression. They knew what I was going through. Later after I told them about my depression I started cutting myself. I would only cut myself on my right leg because it was easier to pass off as a scrape from falling.
After bottling every single one of my emotions up inside me for so long it became second nature and suddenly I realized that I didn't have any emotions anymore all my emotions that I expressed were fake and inside I felt empty. Like my emotions just disappeared. I wasn't happy or sad. I was just there alive. It was like all I was good for was being someone else's pawn. I only existed when someone needed me. I absolutely hate the dark, because that's when I am forced to think about it. During the day I could just watch an anime or YouTube to keep my mind off of it but at night the thoughts of death floated up to the surface and it was the only thing that I could think of, and I couldn't stop it.
YOU ARE READING
The Darkness Is A Friend Of Mine
FantasyA girl that suffers from depression hates the dark because that is when all of her depressing thoughts occur. But the one thing she hates may be the only thing that can save her.
