Unspoken Words

Living the Life : What's the purpose of life? #062820170002

"Sorry, you did not make it..."

"You worthless piece of shit!"

"We regret to inform you but you are not qualified for the position..."

"You contented of what you are? Come on, live your messed up, life!"

"As much as I want to accept you, I just wont.."

"There's a lot of company out there who accepts high school graduate like you..."

"Improve yourself, It's an advice..."

Living in a world full of shits where intelligent was just a least option on finding a job was quite hard, really.

I type every word they say in my cellphone hoping to get rid of it but I failed. I always failed. I'm such a failure human being who did nothing but to waste their time and money. I know for a fact that I am a useless person, a disgrace, a piece of shit, a hopeless human, ungrateful brat and a completely mess. I know for a fact that I don't have a purpose living in this world, but I can't just die.

I don't want to die, yet.

For a person who can't support her study because of financial struggle she was facing. For a woman who can't find a job because of the damn qualifications of at least college graduate. And for a human being who desperate to reach her dreams, but ended up got fooled by some shitty selfish persons who only thinks of money and not the struggles of each filipinos getting hired by a damn company. Shit really happens and It did happened to me for a quite some times, already.

Why humans are so selfish? Why am I asking that kind of question If I already knew the answer?

For you to be able to live in this world, you need to be selfish and think only but yourself. In order to survive, you should think yourself first, followed by your family and of course, your so called friends. The world, this world we were living is just so cruel most especially to a person like me who always thinks the others before herself. I'd rather die alone than causing my family a problem. I'd rather face my problem alone that telling them what I really think. I will just go to the nearest church, kneeling down, praying while crying alone. It did not made me feel better, but as long as my family doesn't know about it, I'm safe.

I don't need a person to rely on. It will just cause them problems and sadness. I don't need someone to talk to. I know they will judge me, someday and I have no one. My friends whom I thought will stay for me til the end are now gone. They just got tired hearing my drama. My family whom I love the most, they never told me but I can feel the hatred they felt for me because, I am still useless. A worthless piece of shit with no future and purpose at all.

One day, I asked myself. "Why are you still alive? What's your purpose living in this world? You have no future at all. You can't go to college, you can't find a job and you're ugly, so why are you still alive?"

I can't find the answers yet, but I guess, staying alive was the reason why I can't find my purpose of living. I need to be alive in order to find the right answer. I still need to face the world with a pretend smile, I still need to wake up everyday and talk to everyone as If I'm okay. I need to be alive just to find the real purpose of my existence.

Death is not an answer to my question. I just realized that death only give me temporary solution to escape this life, It will just cause me a lot of problems and regrets in the end. Life is beautiful, to just end it in just a snap.