Chances

XIV. The Fork on the Road

Less than two years ago…

James is gripping on the steering wheel tightly.  A few minutes after Devon left him on the parking lot, he gripped on the wheel and drove away.  Minutes later, with his knuckles white, he realized that he was parked in front of the building where Allie’s condo’s unit is.  The few minutes he was separated from Devon, felt like an eternity.  And he was not happy about it.

James placed his head on the steering feel. He knows that he needs to make a decision and he does not like making it. He does not want to hurt anybody, but not making any decision now would just make things worse. 

He needs a sign.  James closed his eyes. I need a sign.  It is now or never, James thought.  He went out of the parked car and started to walk towards the building.  The doorman greeted him and he smiled feebly.  James started to walk towards the elevator and pushed the up button. 

James knocked on Allie’s door. He could’ve used his key, but he didn’t choose to.  Allie opened the door, she was dressed and looks like she was about to leave.  “You’re wearing that to the show?” Allie asked. James was surprised with Allie’s question.  “Don’t tell me you forgot. We’ll be attending a fashion show, right? I’m thinking of working with this designer, and this is the best way to see his designs.”

James looked at Allie. We have been together for more than three years, James thought.  Do I really love her? Or do I think I just have to be with her?

Allie stood and watched James who was staring at her quietly.  “Is there something wrong?”

James did not answer. Allie continued to ramble on, “By the way, the invitations just got in.  They looked great. We could send it out tomorrow.  The chef is also not getting any better, we need to look for another one tomorrow. I think we should go to Baguio again to finalize things.” Allie turned her back from him and continued to fix herself in front of the mirror.

Baguio? Invitations? Chef? Is the universe trying to send me a message and I am just to dense to sense it, James thought.

Allie got her purse from the coffee table near the door. “Why are you just standing there? Let’s go.”

Allie started to walk past James, but James grabbed her arm and made her face him.  James then kissed Allie. He kissed her hard as if he is trying to find something.

Allie pulled away. “You ruined my make-up!” she complained and started to go back to the front of the mirror.

It’s not the same. There were no thunderclaps, no passion, James thought, not even love. Was I so blind not to see that all along?

“I’m not going with you Allie,” James said.

“What?” Allie turned and looked at James. “What do you mean by you’re not going? You have to. I made reservations for both of us.”

“I’m not going with you Allie,” James repeated. He walked towards Allie and held her shoulders. “I’m calling off the wedding.”