Colouring Book || Harry Styles

Nineteen

sorry for the late update, writer's block is an ass. but on a different note, i watched 'spiderman homecoming' and now i'm really obsessed with tom holland haha 😅😍 that movie was soooo gooooddd it's one of my fav marvel films

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Nineteen

Maybe you are best without me in your life.

Those nine words haunted my brain. Each time I imagined Harry saying those words, my heart broke more and more. I kept thinking I had cried all my tears dry, but I continued to prove myself wrong. My eyes were bloodshot and my eyelids were swollen. It felt like there was a huge gaping hole in the middle of my chest where someone came and ripped my heart out with their own bare hands.

I felt completely drained to do anything. I didn't feel like getting up from my bed. I didn't shower, I didn't eat food. I didn't even drink water. If I wasn't crying, I was either staring up at my ceiling or sleeping to escape the pain.

I knew it was a really bad idea but the thought was persistent at the back of my head. I eventually gave in and grabbed my phone so I could see what the internet was saying since I was sure the news must have broken out already even if it happened only yesterday. Harry and I were fucking fighting on the pavement so there must have been bystanders who heard and saw everything happening, for sure taking pictures and videos. I would be surprised if there weren't any. My eyes stung as I stared at the bright screen. I saw I had some messages from my friends but I didn't have the heart to talk to them so I ignored their messages and went onto the Safari app. I searched 'Harry Styles and girlfriend' and as soon as the page loaded, there were articles and articles of our breakup.

"Harry Styles and girlfriend, Taryn Summers called it quits."

"One Direction member, Harry Styles, walked out on breakfast date with his girlfriend."

"Trouble in paradise for Harry Styles and girlfriend-of-few-months, Taryn Summers. The two were seen arguing in the of the streets in London."

"Harry Styles and Taryn Summers are not relationship goals after all."

"Did Harry Styles break up with Taryn Summers for Emma Kinney?"

I felt my eyes blur from tears. I knew I wouldn't like the outcome of searching that on google, but I needed to know. And I expected to start crying again but I was surprised when I didn't. I guess I finally ran out of tears.

I lay on my back on my bed. I locked my phone and placed it beside me and stared at nothing. My mind was blank and I just felt numb. I don't know how long I stayed like that. It could have been minutes or hours. It could have even been days for all I knew. But I didn't care.

I continued staying like that and managed to have another nap since I felt so drained of energy. And when I woke up, that was when something clicked in my head. I knew what I was doing was very unhealthy and if I continued being like this, no good would come out of it. If I did nothing to help myself, I would slip deeper into this dark tunnel. The thought terrified me, I really didn't want to go there so I decided that I should have a positive outlet for all these feelings I was holding in.

I sat up, grabbed my laptop and opening up a word document. I let my fingers type away, the sound of clicking keyboard buttons filling the silence of my room. All my feelings and thoughts poured into descriptive words on my screen. I wrote about this heartbroken feeling inside my chest. I wrote about how I longed and missed Harry's touches. I wrote about how Harry would always make me feel whenever I was with him. I wrote about what a complete broken, insecure, self-conscious person I am and how that made me lose him. I wrote about this numbing feeling that would wash over me every now and again. I wrote about absolutely everything and anything that came into my head. I continued typing, not stopping even when my hands cramped up. But I finally stopped hours late when I felt like I got the majority of my feelings into words.