Are You Dead?

1-Summers Beginning

"He shoots... HE SCORES!" Luke was so excited for summer, he played me one on one in basketball and commentated during the whole game. My heart rate was off the chart as I dribbled down my drive way, trying to get a good angle on the hoop. But of course, Luke being half a foot taller than me, he was blocking my every move. My legs were beginning to tire out and I had a terrible side cramp that wouldn't go away.

"Wanna quit??" he asked as if he was reading my mind.

I simply nodded as I began reaching for my inhaler, slightly weezing. Luke handed it to me gently as though if he hadn't I would have had a deadly asthma attack. But I knew he was just looking out for me.

Luke and I have been best friends since the first grade. I had just moved to Brooke Wood that summer and was the new kid to pick on. And, even in the early years of elementary school, Luke was a badass. On the first day of school he came over and sat next to me when he saw this girl about to put food in my hair. One glance at him and she dropped the apple sauce on the table and ran away. Ever since then we were inseparable.

We sat, breathing heavily, at the edge of my front yard. The old barn across the way blocking the sun, leaving us in the shade. I shivered as the unusually cold summer's breeze flew through the air.  Luke put his arm around me, holding me close. I gently grabbed his wrist and looked at his watch.

"Holy shit! It's already five-thirty!!!" I was supposed to make dinner and mom was gonna be home in twenty minutes.

Luke was staying the night so he told me he could help, which is usually how our summer starts. Every first day of summer vacation Luke sleeps over at my house. His mom is kind of a whore. She starts her summer off on a cougar cruise and hooks up with about fifteen guys in a week! All of them being at least fifteen years younger than her... nasty!

"You don't have to help," I never liked asking people to do things for me or have them do things for me. "It's fine really. All I have to-"

"Oh my god," he said, cutting me off. "Ari, we go through this every time I help you with something!"

"Fine." he was the only one that calls me Ari. Everyone else calls me by my full name, Arianna. He told me it was a really pretty name and then said Ari matched me better.

Sometimes I feel like I annoy Luke. Yeah, we're best friends, but when he says stuff like "we do this everytime..." I can't help but think he's upset or annoyed because of the way I am. He knew I self conscious, not why I was, but that I was. I think it was hard for him to be with me sometimes cause he doesnt want me feeling that way. The next thing he said caught me completely off guard, considering the fact that the last ten minutes had been silent cooking.

"Ari?" his voice sounded concerned.

"Yeah...?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"I guess..." It always made chills run down my spine when I hear him say those words.

"Why..." he paused as though his mind was somewhere else. "why are you so self conscious? I'm only wondering because you have that look on your face, a thinking look. I know thats almost all you think about so, why?"

"Well," I started off slowly. "I guess I just feel like everyone is better than me. They've picked on me since I moved here. When you weren't around all I would get was bullshit. They would tell me I'm too smart or too goodie-goodie. High school came and I tried harder I guess....Most of those people don't realize we are just as human as they are. We gain weight, we have feelings, we wanna be perfect too..." I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"Oh." he seemed shocked. "I never thought about that."

"Well now you have! Okay?! Can we not do this?!" All of a sudden I was breaking down, tears began rushing down my cheeks as they turned bright red. What was going on? I had raised my voice at Luke, I was in hysterics, and all because he just wanted to know a simple thing about someone he cares for... Wow.

"Hey, Ari it's okay." his voice was calm and he held me closer to him as he spoke. "It's a sensitive topic, I know. I just wanted to know because ever since we started high school, two years ago, you've been different. You spent more time on your make up and the clothes you wear. You started wearing heels and carrying a purse instead of a backpack. You've changed, Ari. And it's only gotten worse."

I just looked at him and he smiled. I guess he was right, and that smile told me I should calm down. He wiped my eyes and kissed me on the forehead. I don't know why he did that all the time, but he's been doing it forever. At least it wasn't worthless, cause it always made me feel better.