What Could've Been

1 - Just Me

   I slumped in the desk tiredly. Fourth period, and it's the one before a thirty minute escape from class. I tried to follow the teacher with the lesson, but none of it made sense. I didn't bother raising my hand either because I knew I'd just embarrass myself. So I kept quiet, like always, and tried writing everything from the board into my notebook. The class was starting to sound more lively, so I could tell lunch was soon. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. Five more minutes.
   I started sketching on the edge of a paper with only half of my attention. The teacher started erasing the board, and some students started reaching for their backpacks. I shifted my lips to the side before slowly closing my notebook and putting my pencil away. More students started talking and putting their stuff up. I sighed, grabbing my backpack and slinging it over my shoulder while taking my notebook to the assigned drawer for our class. The teacher dismissed us, and I offered a wave before trying to slip through various people. It didn't help that some of them were taller, or too deep into their own conversations. Still, people from different classes started to walk out and go down the stairs with us. 

   I glanced around to look at all the different faces. A majority of them I only recognized through the hallway. I adjusted my backpack and started to play my music louder. I had to go through couples and groups, but I finally managed to reach the bottom of the stairs and cross the hallway. I waved at a friend from last year as I passed by, and they smiled. I was never good with names. I lingered at the small stairs leading to the cafeteria for a bit just to skim the area. An old group of friends were sitting by the windows, and one of them saw me and grinned.
   I smiled back before slowly walking to the lower floor. Suddenly, I felt a weight over my shoulders. I flinched, and the person started to laugh. I moved my hand to lower my volume and turned to the culprit. I glared. "Hello to you, too, Blayke." He grinned, and we started walking to a line. "Hey, man. How was Mrs. Alane?" I shrugged, looking at the people in the lines.

   "Ask about her husband, she'll talk for five minutes about a vacation if you're lucky." He nodded, inching through the line. I glanced at the menu. Of course, he went with the one for burgers. My stomach did an involuntary twist, and I pulled my lips in a line. Blayke turned to me. "What cha gettin' today?" He asked. I shook my head, moving some hair out of my face.
   "Not hungry," I mumbled. He looked at the trays. "Can you get a cheeseburger then? I want a variety," he chuckled as my eyebrows furrowed. I only nodded in response. We got our trays and walked across the cafeteria. Blayke elbowed me on my arm. "Outside?" He asked.

   I looked through the huge windows. It looked a bit cloudy, which was the kind of weather I usually preferred. "Sure," I replied as we started to walk to the doors. He went to open the door and waited until I passed by. "Thanks?" I grinned weakly. "Anything for you, princess." He snickered as I punched his arm. We looked for an empty table, and luckily there was one out of the sun. We made our way toward it, and Blayke immediately slumped his backpack beside him.
   I slowly went to sit across from him. Almost immediately, he unwrapped his food. I rolled my eyes when he looked at me, and I heard a faint chuckle. I looked around before slowly taking out my journal. Blayke scoffed at me. "Seriously, dude?" He asked, taking a bite of his burger. I shrugged, going for a guilty smile as I passed my tray towards him. He took out the fries, gesturing them at me. 

   He let out a questionable hum. "I guess," I mumbled before letting out a thanks as he slid them to me. I got out a pencil from my backpack and opened my journal. "Wait, I haven't seen that one." Blayke suddenly said. I winced. "It's embarrassing... I didn't want you to see any of them at all." I narrowed my eyes at him. He rose an eyebrow.

   "What are best friends for?" He grinned as I sighed in exasperation. Reluctantly, I barely lifted the journal from the table. Our fingers brushed as I gave it to him. I bit my lip and started twirling the pencil between my fingers. He dramatically opened it, making me curse at him, and he snickered until he started to actually read it. I remember most of the words from the other day, but in my mind they were just jumbled up and blurry. I knew they were clear on the paper though. 

   He let out a soft hum, and I figured he was already halfway done. Sometimes he did that. I noticed that he moved his lips to most of the words too. When he finished, he looked up at me. My stomach twisted further anxiously. "Such a poet," he teased. He lowered it back in front of me. I sighed. "Why do you bother reading it if you're just gonna mess with me about it?" I asked with a hint of annoyance.
   He smirked. "I think you just answered your own question." I only groaned as a response. For the next few minutes I tried thinking of something to write. At least, something appropriate in front of Blayke. If I wrote anything else, it might start something that I'd prefer to avoid.