The Tattered Hat (A funny story)

Una Smart had always loved wild Berlin with its ancient, anxious arches. It was a place where she felt fuzzy.

She was an intuitive, admirable, port drinker with charming fingers and dirty abs. Her friends saw her as a difficult, damp do gooder. Once, she had even revived a dying, baby bird. That's the sort of woman she was.

Una walked over to the window and reflected on her cosy surroundings. The moon shone like singing snakes.

Then she saw something in the distance, or rather someone. It was the figure of Mile Humble. Mile was a funny muppet with vast fingers and ugly abs.

Una gulped. She was not prepared for Mile.

As Una stepped outside and Mile came closer, she could see the uninterested glint in his eye.

Mile gazed with the affection of 6964 clumsy panicky pigeons. He said, in hushed tones, "I love you and I want some more Facebook friends."

Una looked back, even more barmy and still fingering the tattered hat. "Mile, I just don't need you in my life any more," she replied.

They looked at each other with ambivalent feelings, like two terrible, tan tortoises hopping at a very optimistic carol service, which had jazz music playing in the background and two sweet uncles jumping to the beat.

Una regarded Mile's vast fingers and ugly abs. "I feel the same way!" revealed Una with a delighted grin.

Mile looked ecstatic, his emotions blushing like a brainy, brawny book.

Then Mile came inside for a nice glass of port.