Short Stories

Hurt

So badly do I crave love

Attention

Affection

And a sense of calm.

Little space is a mere after thought. My mind and heart are stressed to the point of exhaustion where they don't want to function any longer. I can't wait to go to bed and never want to get up. Where is my motivation, my passion, where is the love? I crave a relationship with someone so bad at this point that I don't care if its vanilla. But then I think in my few rational moments that I can come by and realize I couldn't be in a vanilla relationship. My whole world revolves around dominance and submission. I want someone so desperately to walk into my life and just tell me to kneel and I swear I would. I am a good girl, I don't want to be bad I want to please. And because even my "big girl" side is submissive, I can't decide what to do. My heart hurts and I want to cry but the tears won't come. The words have long gone out of my mind to explain how I feel. I just feel empty. To the outside I look so happy and optimistic but as soon as I have a second to myself it is scary. It is scary the thoughts that go through my head. I don't want to go back to the way I was. I don't want to die. If I know anything I know that much I don't want to give up. It just hurts. No one listens, so my cries have become silent. No one cares. I'm scared for people to see my true self, the girl I hide away. The girl that just wants cuddles, and dino nuggets. The girl that is vulnerable to the world, but instead I'm just the weird girl that no one likes. I'm either to childish, or scary. Either way I am unwanted. Unwanted...a word you never want to hear with your name, but that is me. The unwanted weird chick with no friends. I just want to give up.