Dear Dumb Diary Let's Pretend This Never Happened Chapters 1-4

Dear Dumb Diary Let's Pretend This Never Happened

MONDAY 02

Dear Dumb Diary,

I was out playing with my beagle, Stinker, this afternoon and I was doing that thing where you pretend to throw the ball and then don't throw it and Stinker starts running for it until he realizes you didn't really throw it at all.usually I only do it 2 or 3 times but today I guess I was thinking about something else because when I finally realized that I hadn't thrown the ball yet I have probably done about 140 times. Stinker was a little bit cross-eyed and foamy and he wouldn't come back in the house for a long time. I wonder if dogs can hold a grudge.

TUESDAY 03

Dear Dumb Diary,

I think I was very nearly nickname today, which is almost the worst thing that can happen to you in middle school. I was eating a peach at lunch and my other page flyer my back on to the floor and Mike Pinsetti, who only breathe through his mouth, was standing there any said, "Hey, Peach Girl."

He's pretty much the official nick name of the school, and Pinsetti's labels, all those stupid off in stick. (Don't believe me diary just ask old "Butt Buttlington," who was one of Pinsetti's first nicknames. I don'teven know his real name. Nobody does. He's been called Butt Buttlington for so long that his mom actually called him Butt by accident one time when she dropped him off at school. "Bye, Butt Buttlington," she said. Then when she realized what she has done she tried to make it up better by following up with: "Were proud of you.")

Back to my peach story. I picked up to a backstabbing fruit up real quick. I thought nobody had heard Pinsetti's which pretty much cancels out a nickname. But then this adorable musical laughter that sounds like somebody is to clean a baby by rubbing it tummy with a puppy comes from behind me. When I turn around, I see it's none other than Angeline who was probably evilly committing this nickname to memory. It's only a matter of time before I have to start signing in my homework as PEACH GIRL.

WEDNESDAY 04

Dear Dumb Diary,

Today Hudson Rivers (eighth cutest guy in my grade) talk to me in the hall. Normally, this would have no effect on me on at all, since there is still a chance that Cute Guys One Through Seven might actually talk to me one day. But when Hudson said "Hey" today, I could tell that he was totally in love with me, and I felt that I had an obligation to be irresistible for his benefit.so just as I'm about to say something cool back to Hudson. (Maybe even something REALLY cool. we'll never know for sure now.), Angeline comes around the corner with her jilion cute things dangling from my backpack and intentionally looks cute RIGHT IN FRONT OF HIS EYES. This scorpion-like behavior on her part made me forget what I was going to say so the only thing that came out of my mouth was a gush of air without any words in it. Not like this mattered because he was staring at Angeline the same way Stinker was staring at the ball a couple days ago. It was pretty obvious that all of his love for me was squirting out his ears all over the floor. Ask Isabella if you don't believe me. She was standing right there. As if that wasn't vicious enough, get this: "Wow, is that your Lip Smacker I smell? ChocoMint? It's great." Angeline stops for just a second and LOOKS RIGHT AT ISABELLA AND ME. Then she says to Hudson, "Yeah, it is." And her radiant smile freezes him in his tracks. Frankly, I think that is just rude and absent to have teeth whitener up to her and maybe PERMANENTLY DAMAGE the eyes of onlookers.( In case my children are reading this years for now, this is the exact moment Angeline stole your father, Hudson, from me and it's her fault that know your last name is Rumpelstiltskin or Schwarzenegger Buttlington.)

Here's the thing: isabella is the ONLY girl in the entire school who uses ChocoMint Lip Smacker. It's the grossest thing ever they ever made but she needed it very own unique lip smacker favor and so she settled on the only one nobody else likes. All the girls know it's hers. Even Angeline knows it. So dumb diary, let's see that scene again in slow motion: Suddenly, is in one swift move, Angelina has stolen my future prom date/boyfriend/husband, and Isabella had lost her signature lip smacker scent. (is a Bella would rather wear her grandmother giant-bottomed pants to school than let anyone thinks she is copping Angeline.)

I suppose I could have said something but I knew that Angelina had the "Peach Girl"nickname: loaded and her and my generic screenshot of pure Wickedness and was ready to let me have it right in front of Hudson

I was powerless.

of course, dumb diary, you understand that I'm DESTROYED. What you may not fully appreciate is the impact this scandalous event is having on Isabella. She is EXTREMELY smelloriented, and not really well-equipped to change her scented ointments. I foresee a long, painful bout with chapped lips if you future.

It also occurs to me, dumb diary, that Angeline is so perfect what the word "perfect" is probably not perfect enough for her. One day they'll have to invent another word for her and when they do I hope it rhymes with vomit or turd because I think I have a good idea for a song if they do.

WEDNESDAY, THE Evening Edition Dear Dumb Diary,

Tonight at dinner, mom announce that we are going to be taking care of my little cousins in a few weeks. He's , like, my aunt's daughter's brother's nephew or something. I know that your uncles kids are your cousins, but then there are things like first cousins and second cousins and cousins once-removed. What does that mean? "Cousins once-removed." I had a wart once removed. And dumb diary, just to update you on mom's latest food- crime, last night she made casserole with 147 ingredients and it still tasted bad. It's hard to believe that out of 147 ingredients none of them tasted good. Of course I ate it anyway. If you don't eat it mom give you the speech on hard work and how was the hungry children in Wheretheheckistan would just love her casserole. It seems to me the kids in Wheretheheckistan have enough problems without dumping moms casseroles on them too.