Blast From the Past

Ch. 11: Going Out

Ch. 11: Going Out

“Mommy, do you have to go out?” Cameron whined as I walked him over to the couch at my mom’s house.

The past couple days, he’s gotten better at using the little crutches they gave him. Every now and then he’ll topple over, but for the most part, he’s gotten the hang of them. That, or he just scoots around the house. It’s pretty cute, actually. “Yes, baby, I have to go out. You’ll be okay. Nana will help you whenever you need it.”

“Yeah, but I want you.” He stuck his lower lip out at me.

I tapped under his chin with my pointer finger. “Hey, don’t pout at me. You’ll be okay.”

Along with everything else, he’s been extremely clingy lately. I mean, I’m not going to complain about it, but at times like this, it made it really hard. It breaks my heart to leave him, especially when he begs me to leave, but I have to finally tell Zach. Or, maybe I will. It’s my plan, but I’m starting to freak out about telling him. “But…you rub my head better than nana, and you tell better bedtime stories.”

“Hey, I thought you liked my bedtime stories?” Mom said, popping around the corner faking hurt on her face trying to make him laugh. Too bad it didn’t work, though.

Cam looked up at her and then at me. “I do, but mommies are better.” His lip quivered. “Please don’t go.”

I knelt down by him, “Baby, why don’t you want me to go?”

“Because I just don’t.” He scooted forward and wrapped his arms around my neck and gave me a tight hug. “I want you to stay home with me.”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t.” I looked up and smoothed his hair back. “I have to go talk to Mr. Zach. I’ll be back to get you first thing tomorrow morning, though. Okay?”

“No!” He started crying. I don’t know what was up with him lately. “Please let me come.”

I kissed his forehead before walking out of the house. If I didn’t get out of there, I would have taken him with me and I needed to do this alone. I couldn’t have Cam there with me just yet. Mom walked out behind me and gave me a hug. “He’ll be okay.”

She reached up and wiped the few tears that had escaped. I don’t normally cry, but to see my baby cry just hurts me, especially when I know I’m the reason he’s crying. “I know.” I sniffed and looked away. “I’ve got to go.”

“Alright sweety. Have fun. But don’t forget he’s engaged.” She reminded me.

“I know, mom. Bye. Love you.” I said and climbed into my vehicle. I hadn’t told her the reason I wanted to hang out with him. She doesn’t know about the paternity testing. I just didn’t want to tell her yet for some reason. Really, the only person who knows about it is Brandon and I.

I still have no idea how this is going to go. There are too many outcomes for it. There is the whole factor of him following through and staying as Cam’s dad. Or, he’ll just leave right after I tell him, and he’ll think that I purposely kept it from him all these years. Or maybe I’ll just confuse him. I don’t know how it’s going to go; I just know that I can’t be selfish anymore.

I pulled into the restaurant parking lot and climbed out of my truck. Before walking in, I made sure all of my clothes were straight. So you could say I’m a bit nervous, but I have a good reason to be. I walked in and glanced around, spotting Zach after he slightly waved to catch my attention. I smiled and walked over to him, somehow managing it in my wedged shoes. “Hey.”

“Hey hey.” He smiled. “You look nice.”

“Thanks.” I looked down at my black and white cross t-shirt, dark washed jeans, and black wedged shoes. I looked back up at him and played with my hair; a nervous habit I have. “So, how long until a table?”