Killing Me Softly

15 months of lies

TRIGGER WARNING

THIS CHAPTER HAS MENTIONS AND DESCRIPTIONS OF SELF-HARM.
If you are sensitive to this topic, remain cautious while reading this chapter.

Demi's P.O.V
______________________
As much as I feel bad for Miley, I can't do this anymore. I can't be with someone I don't truly love! She had to of seen it or noticed it before I dropped the bomb. But knowing her she'd deny it, that's her always being in denial over the clearest things. I told her that she should move out tomorrow morning, she has some place to stay tonight but she's not sleeping in my bed. She can sleep on the couch. I'm not a completely heartless person... if I was I would kick her to the curb straight away. At least I wanna stay somewhat friends with her, too. We were best friends before she confessed her love to me over a year ago. I'll be honest, back then I was head over heels for her too.
Before me and her had started dating, I fooled around with boys. One boy in particular being Joe Jonas. I broke up with him for Miley. I figured, why not give it another shot. I called Joe.

"Hello?" I heard him say. My heart began pounding.

"Joe, it's Demi..." I said trailing off wondering how he would respond.

"Demi! Hey! Missed you." He said surprisingly more cheerful than I thought.

"I missed you too. I was wondering if you'd want to start something again, me and you." I said in a questioning tone.
He was silent for almost a full minute. Did I blow any chance I had? My thoughts were interrupted by his voice.

"I would love to start something again with you, Demi. I really like you." He said calmly.

HE REALLY LIKES ME!

"That's amazing! I'll see you tomorrow afternoon, come swing by my place. I'll explain everything" I said excitedly.

"See you then sweetheart" he laughed before hanging up.

I can't believe he just called me sweetheart. He's the best.

Miley's P.O.V
______________________
In between my cries from the bathroom, I overheard Demi's voice. She was talking to someone on the phone.

"That's amazing!" I heard her say along with a few other things that weren't as clear to me.

I heard a man's voice.

"See you then sweetheart!"

Sweetheart

Had she just moved on? Was she dating him while we were together still? Did she break up with me for him? Who is this dude.
And why is it a dude?
She swore to me a thousand times she was a total lesbian. Swore to me I didn't need to worry about guys with her. What a fucking liar. Played that song and dance with me for 15 months.
15 months of lies apparently.
She's so heartless...
She knows how much I loved her. I still do love her, I wouldn't be this broken if I didn't.
She broke me.
I continued sobbing in the bathroom.
After another few minutes I stopped, for some reason I just stopped. My eyes just couldn't produce any more tears right now. I shut my eyes and leaned my head back against the door and felt the banging headache on both sides of my forehead. I sighed deeply as I felt my eyes well up with more tears. Once I opened them again, I couldn't help but look at what I mess I had made.
I kept starring at that broken container.
All those shards of glass.
Sharp shards of glass.
I moved my eyes towards the ceiling to try and not think about it, I'm not having these thoughts. Not again.
I couldn't help myself, somehow my eyes moved to the broken container again.
It's fragments just laying there on the floor.
"Someone has to clean it up" I thought to myself.
I grabbed one of the bigger pieces of glass I saw, and just held it. I was about to throw it away, but I kept it in my hand.
I felt how sharp it was.
By chance, I started squeezing it. I felt it pierce my palm but I didn't care. I squeezed it harder than before as I felt blood trickle down my arm and the big shard of glass snap into 2. I stopped and dropped now both of them as a few tears streamed down my face.
I missed how it felt.
I grabbed one of the pieces I had just dropped and rolled up my sleeve, I held the shard against my wrist when I thought back to Demi and I, and a conversation we had ages ago.

FLASHBACK

"Miley!" I heard Demi call.
I didn't listen. I needed to do this.
I slid the razor blade against my arm vertically watching the slit I had made open up and let blood flow out.
I heard a knock on the door before it creaked open.
"Miley there you a-MILEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Demi expressed in a panicked tone.
I was humiliated.
I burst into tears before pressing the blade against my arm yet again, right when I did she came over to me real quick and took it out of my hand and placed it on the bathroom counter.
I was crying so hard I felt my stomach go right into a million knots as my arm continued to bleed, as Demi just sat there with me in complete shock. Holding me.
She went in our closet to grab some gauges and bandages for my arm, and she grabbed a washcloth.
She dampened the cloth to clean my arm before covering it with gauges and wrapping it.
Tears were still flowing out of my eyes but I wasn't making a sound. I was just starring at the ground. Once she was done, she continued to hold me for a few minutes before saying something.
"Miley... you need to promise me you won't ever do this again. Understood? You're not only hurting yourself when you do this. You're hurting everyone around you who cares about you. Including me. Promise me." She said in a sympathetic tone.
I could barely get a word out.
"I promise..." I said softly.
She wrapped me in another hug while I buried my head in her chest.

END OF FLASHBACK

Why should I keep my promise when she doesn't even love let alone care about me anymore.
Without giving it any thought I slit my wrist once horizontally.
That wasn't enough.
I did it a second time, I still wasn't satisfied.
I needed what I felt inside to show on my outside. I needed my pain to go away or at least be replaced again.
I did time and time again until you could barely see the inside part of my arm from all the blood. I threw the shard of glass across the room and continued crying.
Being lied to, more than once.
It's all too much.
I'm WORTHLESS.
I hope I die right here.