"Do you ever think that maybe this won't work out?" Cal asked Amy one night as they sat in the moonlight atop the veranda.
And little did he know that what seemed like such a simple phrase at the time would tear him apart so much.
"What do you mean?" she laughed, a sound that sent chills through Calvin Oliver's body. "The apartment? I mean, yeah, we're not gonna stay in it forever."
He slowly shook his head. "That's not what I meant."
"Then why don't you, I don't know, tell me what you meant?"
Cal chuckled quietly and closed his eyes, moving to face the moon full on.
Every word she said was a delight to his ears. Made him grateful for every day he could spend with her. Never in his wildest dreams did he ever think he'd make it this far with someone as amazing as her. Especially since his mouth would never move the way he wished; since his words would never come out the way he wanted them to. But still, she was here, vibrant and beautiful beside him.
She was stupid. Indeed, Amy Adams was one of the weirdest, dorkiest people he'd ever met. But he loved her. God, did he love her. She occupied at least 79.362% of his headspace. The fleeting thought of her – her laugh, her stupid, lopsided grin – would whizz by him every 5.8214 seconds. He'd timed it all. Obsession, you could call it. That's what he called it. Besides, no one person in their sane mind could possibly have a painful crush on someone as average as her for six whole years without getting tired of them.
And that was a fascinating thought to him. This seemingly simple girl, keeping hold of his attention without ever faltering. Perhaps it was because he saw her every day. Perhaps it was because she never left him alone. Perhaps it was because she understood him. Whatever it was, it had worked. He admired that.
Why did he love her? Six years of an unrequited crush made the answer crystal clear.
But recently, he just felt empty. Something was missing. Something was missing! How could anything possibly be missing? It was perfect. Everything was perfect. He loved her. She loved him.
... Didn't she? She loved him, right? What would he do if she didn't?
His heart sank at the mere thought of it.
But why did she love him? Why would she love him? Did he deserve her?
And that's where it all started. He started to notice his wants. He started to notice her wants.
He started to notice that they weren't the same.
He'd moved a step further in the relationship without even realising it himself. And it scared him. It tortured his every thought. The fear manifested over the months, and ate away at him more and more each day.
There was nothing worse than overestimating how much someone cared about you. He'd learnt that from past experiences. They just seemed to line up with Amy all too well.
He knew their relationship was fragile. He knew what he was signing up for. Heck, it was a relationship developed in high school. He didn't expect it to last a lifetime.
But he still wanted to protect it. He didn't want to hurt her.
Cal was brought back down to Earth by a sudden weight on his shoulders. It was light, but enough to break him out of his conscious stroke.
"Hey, are you still awake?" Amy whispered, shaking his shoulders gently. When he weakly signalled that he was indeed still alive and breathing, she stuck her lips out in a pout. "That's a bit of a dick move, leaving me hangin' like that. I asked you a question, Calvin Oliver."
