Hideaway // Dolan

Chapter 4

Casey's P.O.V

Why are people assuming I'm a whore, I haven't even done anything with anyone. 

Probably because I was a bitch to everyone. I'm such a snob, I deserve this, I shouldn't be crying like a baby. Who knows how many people I've made feel like this. I never told anyone but I know what happened to Layne was my fault. It's something I have to live with and every day I hate myself more for it. I've done so many bad things to good people yet I wonder why they treat me badly. How can I be so stupid?

Flashback to 7th grade

The lunch bell just rang and everyone spreads out into the halls to go to the cafeteria. I look around looking for someone. 

I see Layne, she's running to the bathroom with her hands over her mouth. 

I turn around laughing " Hey girls, look at Layne, she must have eaten a chip and had to go puke it up." all the girls laugh. I start to walk to the bathroom and they follow. 

She's in a stall and the door is open, you can hear her puking. 

She is one of the skinniest girls here because she's always puking up what she eats. "Awe, whats the matter? a bite to much?" I say to her as she's getting up off her knees and wiping her mouth. 

She walks over to the sink to wash her hands and I clear my throat as I cross and arms over my chest. 

"What do you want Casey?" Oh, she has an attitude. 

Ok, I'll handle that."Nothing, just wondering if you've seen your therapist lately. You look like you need some help." I smirk waiting for her petty come back. 

"Yea I have, What about you? You see Cheryl right? She's one of my favorites. Anyways, thanks for asking, Imma go now." she starts to leave shoving past me, how does she know I go to therapy. I haven't told anyone. 

I grab her arm before she is all the way out and I yank her back in front of me. 

"Ow, stop that hurts" she tries to get me to let go but I grip harder and get in her face. "listen to me you anorexic bitch if you EVER talk to me like that again I will make sure everyone treats you just as worthless as you are. You keep your mouth shut, maybe you can go kill yourself, that'll be neat-O." I let go and smile. 

She runs out crying, the other girls look at me in shock and fear. "WHAT?" I ask and no one answers, we all walk out and go to lunch. 

The next day Layne didn't show up to school and towards the end of the 7th period they announceted she had killed herself. 

I told the girls not to tell anyone about what I said and I got away with it. I never told Cheryl, I'm afraid to get in trouble. 

I think about her all the time and I feel bad for what I've done, but you can't change the past.

Flashback over

I'm such an awful person. I shouldn't even be here, Layne should.

 No one wants me, maybe I should leave. Yeah, I'm going to do it, it'll be easier for everyone.

I start walking out of the park to go home and I see someone on the swings. It looks like the boy from therapy, I try to be quiet so maybe he won't notice me. He looks really upset, maybe I should talk to him, I don't want him to do what I'm about to. "Grayson?" I ask. 

Grayson's P.O.V

"Casey are you ok? why are you crying?" I ask her as we sit down on the benches. 

She wipes her eyes and smile. "I'm fine, you looked a little sad, I thought I would check up on you. What are you doing out here?" I can tell she doesn't want to talk about it so I'm not going to push.

 I don't want to sound like a big baby, I'm not going to tell her I'm upset. "Me?, no, I'm fine. And nothing really, this is where I always come to think." I lean back and look at the stars. 

"Really? I come out here all the time. This is kinda my place" she laughs and looks at her phone, I don't know what she was looking at but she got really sad. "Hey, sorry but my mom wants me home, don't overthink things Grayson, you're always wanted, don't forget that." She starts to walk off and so do I.

 I get home and lock the door. I go to lay down in my room and I keep thinking about her and what she said. Maybe I can get better, I hope Ethan can too.

Casey's P.O.V

"Where have you been?!?" It's late, this is irresponsible and I will not have you acting like this in my home. You're grounded." She walks upstairs to her room without even giving me a chance to say something.

 It doesn't matter that I'm grounded anyways, I'm leaving. 

I need to say goodbye to dad first. I get in the car and start to drive. 

I pull over on the side and get out, I haven't come to visit dad in a couple of months. It's been too hard so I just never come.

 I get to his grave and dust off the dirt. 

I look over and I see someone on their knees crying. 

I hear him talking, his voice sounds familiar. "Dad, I've been so lost, I wish you were here. I don't know what to do, I don't know how to help, I'm useless." 

He turns around and I see that it's Grayson. 

I walk over to comfort him. "Hey, It's going to be ok. You're not useless, you will find your way." I give him a hug but he doesn't hug me back.

 "Um, thank you," he says. He looks uncomfortable. "Oh, I'm sorry if I over stepped Gray, I just wanted to help, I'll leave." I turn around to go back to dad. 

"Wait, I'm not Grayson, I'm Ethan, his brother." I look at him and feel very stupid. 

I think he notices. "It's ok, it's dark, besides we look pretty similar." I give him a small smile. 

"I'm Casey, are you ok? we can talk about it if you want." He looks down and nods, We walk over to where the benches are and sit. 

We talk for about 2 hours. We talked about everything and I honestly feel so much better. I think he does too and I'm glad. We talked about Grayson and how Ethan has been so worried because his anxiety attacks are getting worse and he's not caring anymore. 

I admitted to him of my intentions after I left. He told me it will get better and I believe him, he has been through so much and he seems like a very strong person, I hope I can come out of this and be as positive as he is. 

"My mom is going to kill me, I should go back home, do you need a ride?" he smiles and nods. We get in my car and I drive him to his house, we live pretty close, like 5 minutes away, I'm surprised I've never seen them. 

I give him my number "If you ever need to talk I'm here Ethan" He smiles and we wave goodbye. I sneak back into the house and go to my room. 

Things are getting better, I just need to stay focused on the positive. I check my phone and see that the rumors are still going around, I see one about Layne. 

It was posted by one of the girls that knew about it. She posted a screenshot of me telling them not to say anything. 

Everyone was calling me a monster and that I was the one that needed to die not her. Maybe I should own up to it and take the hate because that's what I deserve. Why did I even think I would get happy. 

I shouldn't be happy, I'm an awful person.

 I hate myself and I hate everyone else. 

They think I'm a monster and a whore?

 I'll show them who they want. 

I'll make the rumors true.