James and I were sitting in the drawing room. We were on the couch in front of the fireplace. I was snuggled under his arm. My head laying across his lap. His fingers played with my hair and caressed my face.
The fire crackled and I thought I heard something besides that. And perhaps if I had said something, he would still be here. But I wrote it off. And less then ten seconds later there was a gun shot, and the blood dripped down James nose. The bullet had gone entirely through his head. I couldn't make a sound, I couldn't even breath. I heard the steps retreating and closed my eyes praying they would leave without searching for me. I felt a wet stream marking my cheek, I opened my eyes into the sightless ones of my husband and screamed.
I woke up with someone shaking my shoulders.
"Aura, Aura, wake up! It's just a bad dream!" When my eyes looked into his concerned ones he pulled me against him, hugging me.
I choked a sob out as I let him hold me. " It wasn't just a dream. It was real." My own senses came back to me in that moment. "Carter, I think you should go. It is hardly proper for you to see me like this. I'm sorry to have concerned you. I will be down for breakfast shortly." It was a clear dismissal and I saw a flash of hurt run across his features but he schooled them into a proper smile.
"As you wish, my lady." He left.
I felt as if I had been splashed with cold water. Yesterday, when the sun shined brighter, when I laughed, when the world felt happier, was gone. My husband was gone. How dare I enjoy myself. How dare I be so brazen as to kiss Cart- Lord Mildenhall's cheek. I was acting the part of a wanton.
I put on the most grandmotherly mourning dress I owned and pulled my hair back into a severe bun and made my way down to breakfast. I felt his surprise at seeing me as such. I'm sure I looked a great deal different then the woman with long jumbled hair and no sense of propriety that he'd met yesterday.
I sat down at the table opposite from him.
"Lord Mildenhall-"
"I though we had agreed to use our christian names."
"Lord Mildenhall, my nightmare last night reminded me that yesterday I was extremely improper for a recently widowed woman. I acted far too familiar and I feel a sense of guilt and shame that I betrayed my husband in such a way. I would like it if we could return to a more proprietal way of speaking and regarding one another. I appreciate your invitation to reside and your offer of protection, but that shall be as far as our relationship will go." I stood up."Thank you." I started for the door.
"Lady Kent, I will do as you wish, save for this sentence I would have you hear. Aura, do you not think James would wish for you to be happy? I'm not asking you to forget about him after one month. But I don't believe he would ever have wished you unhappy and drowning in grief." He stood, bowed and walked to the door, "Good day, Lady Kent."
