不妊 (Funin)

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I made a doctor's appointment last week

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I made a doctor's appointment last week. I was wondering how come I wasn't pregnant. Dom and I have never used a condom. The only time we did was when we first met. I wasn't on birth control, never have been. All in all I'm just worried. I know my mother told me that I was a miracle baby. I always laughed when she told me that.

'Ms. King?' I get up to see a nurse calling my name. She checks my vitals and tells me to wait for my doctor. He comes in with a sad expression.

'Good afternoon, Skyla.' He sits down with his clipboard in hand.

'Hello, how is your day going so far, Dr. Harris?' I ask him with a huge smile on my face.

'I'd rather tell you this first, sweetheart.' My face falls, he sounds really serious.

'I see you have been having troubles getting pregnant. No birth control at all. Many women can have this. It can be genetic, lack of certain hormones, or just trouble ovulating.' I gulp.

'Not to be rude or anything, but what are you trying to say.' He looks down at his clipboard.

'You are unable to get pregnant because of infertility. Like I said it could be because o-'

'So I can't have kids?' My voice cracks at the end. I can feel myself tear up at this news.

'It would be extremely hard. You may could get better chances by having a sperm donor, but-'

'No! Me and my boyfriend has had plans to be pregnant this year... Oh my God...' I start sobbing. I won't be able to have a family. I won't have to be sad on my baby's first day of school. I can't take pictures at their prom...

'I'm so sorry darling...' He leaves the room. I look to where he was sitting to see my result papers. I stuff them in my purse and walk out the door.

***

I threw on some PINK boyshorts and no shirt. I keep rereading the results. Every time I cry. I sit there and sob. Dom won't have a little him running around, or me. He might leave to find someone who is able to give him a family. Dom...He's going to be so upset. He'll hate it.

I need him so bad...I don't care if he thinks I'm weak, I just need him. I love him.

I keep rubbing my stomach like there could be something in there. I hate myself, I'm the reason I can't be happy. 

Why me...

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