Dear diary

part 2

*Harrys P.o.v*

Dear Diary,

I left her. I won’t ever forgive myself. I left her with only photographs of us without the memories to go with them. The pictures are nothing without memories. Our pictures are nothing without memories.  It’s hard to think about it even now. Our relationship lasted four years. Until I couldn’t handle it any longer...

I walked away from her and left her when she needed me the most but I couldn’t handle being in love with a completely different person she was two years ago. I hope she understands that. I fell in love with her insecurities, her intelligence, and her flaws, everything she didn’t like about herself, but now she’s just a girl with no past, no memories, nobody to remind her of the girl she was.

Her frustration every morning when she can’t get over something she can’t remember killed me on the inside. Knowing that she used to have good grades and achievements and would have had a good future ahead of her would destroy her completely, especially when she had a chance to go to Cambridge University and i can't bear to watch her go through all that.

She was a bright girl. She was the girl that taught me to have faith and hope in everything. I looked up to her. We couldn’t have ended it but I had to, but i regret everything now.

Head injuries can change people forever. The doctors said that there will be only a rare chance of even a slight recovery but she injured a very vital part of her brain which will affect her entire future.

I don’t want her to see me like this. Drinking in the local bar with all the other lonely screw ups that messed their lives up. Not that I’m judging, but why else would they be here at three in the morning? If only we could have this life for one more day. If we could only we could turn back time…

I was the only one that can truly see that her smile hides lots of things other than happiness. Our relationship was a cliché love story where I was the school bad boy and she was the geeky, shy girl that sat at the back of the class afraid to put her hand up and always got good grades but once we somehow became friends, her attitude towards everything was the thing that fascinated me. Her views on society was the reason that made me become more down to earth and that’s when I realised I fell in love with her. But then again, not all stories have happy endings.

The vision of Allison walking away from me will stay with me forever, ripping me apart every time. She was the reason why I wanted to do phycology and she was the only person that believed I could make it that far. Allison saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. And I’ll always miss her. “Our love is like the wind, you can’t see it but you can feel it” It was one of her quotes she said before…. everything had changed.

We’ll be together again someday. But then again, nothing lasts forever and nothing stays the same. But I’m tearing down the walls in my head and I can’t hold it in any longer.

I almost call her every night but I can’t bring myself around to actually press the dial and say all the words that are hard to think; never mind speak.

I feel so lost at the moment and it comes with the cost of being alone. Everything is falling apart. I'm falling apart.

I wish I could go back to her and get through each day together but it’s too late now. 

But I don’t care anymore. I got into my car and drove. Letting everything out that I’d been holding in all this time. Tears.

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The rain was pattering on the windshield of my car as it represented every single one of my emotions right now. I first drove off, not wanting to leave her but it had to. I was an hour away from her house and I still need figure out what I’m going to say to her. I haven’t slept all week and it’s all down to being alone for the first time after four years. There may be no holes in my shoes but there’s a big hole in my heart where Allison should be. I just miss her so much.

I keep replaying her words inside my head but then I’ve got to remember she doesn’t know herself better than me. But in her eyes, I could tell there was something there. Something she was hiding. I wish I knew what it was.

I turned up outside her front door and knocked loud enough so she could hear me. its a good thin g that her parents left for work early in the morning as it was almost five am. I saw her bedroom light on so I knew she was awake. I had no idea of what I was going to say to her. All I needed her to know is that I love her and always will. Nobody answered the door. I tried to knock a few more times. Still no answer. 

I keep replaying her words inside my head but then I’ve got to remember she doesn’t know herself better than me.Nobody knows her better than me. But in her eyes, I could tell there was something there. Something lost. Something missing....