✗ it was only just a dream [l.s.] ✘

That morning is still fresh in my mind. It's the one memory I will never forget and I'll hold with me forever, because that day, I fell in love. It was a beautiful love. It had more beauty than the purest of roses, yet as many thorns as there could be. There were bumps, obstacles in the way. I was so close to him and yet at the same time I was so far. He was out of reach and yet so close that I could taste the sweet flavor of his skin on my tongue. I had him in my hands, and yet he had slipped from my reach. 

It was a complicated story to tell. 

If I had the courage to say what I had wanted too and allowed him to take me with him as he had begged, maybe I would still be there in his arms, held close to his chest and feeling so safe and warm...so secure. 

They told me that I was crazy, delusional. That I should give up my quest to search for him and to move on with my life. Falling in love with someone that appeared and then just disappeared seemingly only a few seconds later was a tough life, a harsh one. It hurt worse than being nearly whipped to death, it hurt worse than having someone take your heart and smash it. I had doomed my own heart. I had smashed my heart carelessly, basically I had thrown it out the window. It felt like I had been stabbed in the heart mercilessly and yet somehow I still managed to live and breathe despite the blood that gushed out of my aching chest that tightened at the sound of his name, the thought of his face, the memory of him and all that we had. 

It killed me that the more days passed, the more and more I seemed to forget him. The more the memory of his face blurred, the sound of his voice was leaving my ears and all that we did together was slipping from my grasp even though I tightened my hold on the memories. I did my best, but my best was never really enough. But there was one thing that I couldn't bring myself to forget. The way that I felt around him, in his arms, especially the moment I saw him first. I know that's cheesy and sappy and problem not the most original line, but it was the best that I could possibly come up to describe him with. 

I close my eyes, just trying to get an image of his face. I couldn't remember every detail anymore. It's been months since I've seen him last. There were a few specific details that I couldn't forget. I couldn't forget the bright innocence that glowed brightly in his gaze, but the exact color of his eyes were lost to me now. I remembered his hair. So perfect and smooth when I ran my fingers through them, and feeling them slip through my fingers had been my most favorite feeling in the entire world. I remembered that his hair was a dark, chocolate brown with little ringlets for curls that always came astray. I remember that I couldn't resist the urge to tuck them back into place because when I did, he'd bring his lip between his teeth and stare up at me through his lovely curtain of eyelashes, trying to disguise the smile that stretched across his pair of pink, plump lips. 

I wouldn't forget how shy he had been when we first met. The way that he stuttered and sputtered when I approached him and made him jump out of his skin. I could just barely recall the way he'd let out a bark of surprise laughter every time I managed to do something stupid that really only I could do, or the way he had to stop when we walked in the park to smell every new flower that he spotted and then tuck it in his hair or mine. I wouldn't be able to forget that on our date, he had stressed that he wasn't good enough for me or that I was going to leave him, and I had to soothe him. 

I knew that he had some sort of problem. A dark past that made him a little shy and timid, extremely skittish. I couldn't really remember what he had gone through though. His whole situation had been so complex like a winding, bumpy road. It was hard to get through it all for him, and it was hard for me to just listen to it. I knew that. Even so, he was practically perfect in every way. He was just about the sweetest person that anyone could meet. He was strong, brave...and with everything that he had faced, he still found it in himself to smile. To laugh. To sit back and enjoy life while he could and make every moment his eternity because he knew that he wouldn't live forever.