scenarios

Blessed

"If I could,  I swear I'll go back. Make everything all better, whoa. " Blessed, Daniel Caesar

She sat at the table with her leg tucked under her and a book in front of her. She held the paperback book down with her left hand and reached across the book to get a cherry from the bowl in front of her. She did not look up to see if she had gotten a hold of a cherry, but instead she felt around the half empty bowl to get a hold of a stem. She grabbed a cherry by the stem and placed the dark red fruit between her lips. She nibbled on it as if that particular cherry was the last one and wanted to savor the fruit. He could see her in her natural habitat. Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration at the book in front of her.

He had never felt anything like this at all. He was so in love with her and he did not have the guts to tell her. He loved the the small smile that tugged at the edge of her lips whenever there was a joke or her favorite characters had a special moment. He regretted leaving her and not telling her about his feelings in high school. She had gone off to college in another state and she had not known of his feelings. Now, that she was back and they have become friends, closer than they were in high school. He wanted to tell her.

He broke up with his girlfriend, his son's mother, when his little boy was only a year and a half. It has been a year and a half of cold and lonely nights where he wishes he had her to hold. He was not sure if he wanted to tell her. She recently got out of a relationship, one that made her swore to him that she would not date for at least another year, she said she wanted to focus on herself. She would never want to take the responsibility of a child let alone one that was not even hers. He stood in the hallway of her home, still on his way to the bathroom staring at her. He cursed at himself, at his younger self, for not telling her how he felt about her. 

For now, he thought that the best way to be close to her was by being good friends. He was not satisfied, however, he ached to kiss her lips and brush his hand through her hair. He always had to control himself to not tuck the loose hair in front of her face to her ear. He wished he could go back to their Sophomore year in high school to their 3rd period literature class where they first met. They ended up being partners for the whole year because the teacher was too lazy to switch their seats and she did not trust them to choose their own. In that class, he was able to discover her passion for literature and writing.

He stood there for 2 minutes and he realized that he had not done what he intended to do. He walked to the bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror. He cursed at himself again for not doing anything now that he realized he regretted so many times not telling her how he feels. He shook his head in disapproval to himself. He walked out of the bathroom and headed  back to the guest bedroom where his 3-year old son lay asleep on the bed. He walked by the small library, the room where she was in and tried not to make noise. He opened the door to the bedroom that he borrowed for the night and looked at the clock on the bedside table.

At 2:27 am he realized he still held on to a thought that they would end up being something. A thought he'd had since high school, yet 3 years after college he still had not done anything to make it happen.