Rose 🌹 (Camren)

06.

"Where are you going?" She says following me out of the room.
"Anywhere but here-"
"Of course, whenever something gets tough you get scared and leave. Fine, go Lauren."
I don't bother answering her and begin to gather my stuff.
"How long are you gonna keep up with this act? Eventually I'm going to get tired and I won't take you back." She threatens
"You need me just as much as I need you and you pull this shit way more than I do so stop blaming me for everything."
She's shaking her head at me "You're wrong. I don't need you."
I stop what I'm doing and just look at her. I try to hide the sadness I'm feeling at the words she just uttered. I fail.
"I don't need you Lauren. I'm perfectly capable of doing all of this - she signals her growing belly - on my own. If you want to leave I won't stop you, because I want to make myself perfectly clear when I say that I do not need you. I don't need you....but I want you."

•

"What about Callie?" I say
"Eh."
"Violet?" I suggest
"Nah"
"Stacy?" I mumble
"Why? So you can say that Stacy's mom has got it going on?" She laughs at me playfully nudging me.
"Am I wrong though?" I add while leaning up to kiss her protruding and ever growing belly.
"Flor you know I'm extra ticklish. Now more than ever" Lucy says giggling that's when it hits me.
"What about Rose?"
She smiles brightly before leaning closer to capture my lips in a gentle kiss "I love it."

•

"You're such an asshole sometimes you know that." She says to me as she pushes past me into the house.
"I'm not going to apologize when I did nothing wrong." I say back bringing in all the shopping bags with me
She scoffs "Right, cause girls and guys just conveniently decide to flirt with you right in front of me and you don't say shit!"
"They were not flirting."
"Yes they were Lauren. I'm not an idiot! And you flirted back!"
"I was being polite. Do you honestly think I care about them? That I'd give anyone besides you the time of day?" I counter back
"Coulda fooled me. I don't know what you do when I'm not around." She says as she storms off into our bedroom.
I walk into our room a few minutes later to hear Lucy speaking to the baby; she's at the edge of the bed rubbing her belly gently as she wipes her fallen and dried up tears with her free hand.
"She really is great. She's a stubborn idiot, but she's my stubborn idiot. Our stubborn idiot. I know Mama would never leave us but... I'm scared she may not be ready for us. I love her, and I know she loves us but I just don't know if she's ready for us just yet." She sighs before wincing a bit at the slight pain. I almost jump in wanting to soothe her pain but something stops me. She continues talking only a bit softer this time as if speaking louder would break some sort of sound wave in the atmosphere. "You've stolen my heart, but it's ok. You keep it baby, just save some room in there for Mama too! We both love you with all our heart Eva, no matter what happens to us you will always be loved. Ok baby? I love you."

•

'Two strangers learn to fall in love again'
'And I get the joy of rediscovering you'
'Oh girl you stand by me'
'I'm forever yours, faithfully'
Faithfully by Journey is our go-to karaoke song. While making dinner tonight Lucy put her phone on shuffle and this was the third song in the line up. I instantly grabbed her and we started swaying to the song, occasionally singing along.
'Ohhhh oh ohh ohh ohh ohhhh'
'I'm still yours'
I pull back a little and notice Lucy has tears in her eyes threatening to fall. I'm not sure if it's the hormones or the lyrics of the song. Did I butcher it that bad? Or the simple fact that it's not just a good song..it's our song. I gently wipe them away, when more follow I kiss them away. I hold her close, I hold them close. I'm never letting go.

'I'm still yours, faithfully.'

•

Any day now and we get to hold our baby in our arms. We still haven't quite decided on her name yet but I'm sure as soon as we see her it'll come. As we are cuddled on the couch I'm playing with her; with my baby, though really since she's still in Lucy's tummy technically I'm just gently poking her but I call it playing. I then run my hand across Lucy's and start playing with her fingers, then her wedding ring.
"I remember being so nervous, but at the same time so ready, and so in love." She says smiling down at me.
"Really? Because you hid it so well I couldn't tell. Meanwhile I was in total panic mode, I remember asking everyone to make sure you showed up. I would have chased you down if you decided to go all runaway bride on me." I say laughing
"You'd run after me Laur?" She asked teasing me
"I'd go to the ends of the earth for you Lucy." I respond seriously. "But as soon as this one - I point to her belly; our baby- makes her way out here she's my number one. Sorry babe, I love you but if we're under a zombie attack I'd sacrifice you for her ." I say giggling and pepper her tummy with kisses.

•

"Hey Doc, yes we're anxious to have her here finally!" "Oh, she's not home yet but what's up?" "I thought we had done all the tests...is everything alright?" "Um ok..yes, I'll let her know and we'll give you a call back to schedule it." "Thanks Doc."

I get off the phone with the doctor and I'm a bit concerned, Lucy is the type to do things on her own. If she's feeling sick she'll suck it up until it's excruciatingly intolerable only then will she finally speak up about it. I'm in the living room when I hear the front door open and she- they make their way into the room and cuddle up next to me. I instantly place my hand on her belly and peck her neck until she giggles that silly ass giggle that I love so much.
"Hey so the doctor called today"
"Yeah? What about?" She asked nonchalantly
"They wanted you to come in for some testing?.."
"Oh ok, I'll go set it up right now." She says getting up
"Wait" I pull her back gently "What's it for?" Concern written all over my face.
"Relax flor. I just haven't been feeling my best lately and wanted to make sure everything was ok." She says while placing her hand on my cheek and lightly caressing it with her thumb. This relaxes me a bit.
"You're a strong woman Luc, but I don't want you to think you have to do any of this alone. I'm here, for you..for both of you. I'm not going anywhere."

•

'So how does that make you feel?'
"It makes me feel like I was blind this whole time. She was sick, she was hurting, right in front of me...and I didn't see it."
'I understand, but I want you to understand that there was no way you could have known. There's no tell tale sign. It's not written on her person. You couldn't have known Lauren.'
"I could have gone with her, to the appointment I mean. I was upset because of some stupid issue at work and so I didn't go. I stayed in the office that day. I wasn't there for her."
'Do you think that could have made a difference?'
"No" I pause "I guess..I..I could have-..I could have been there for her, that's all."
'How's Eva doing? She's in pre-school now right?'
"Yes, she's great! She's an amazing kid, I don't know how I got so lucky."
'You are doing a great job Lauren. Don't belittle your accomplishments because of your past. I see you are also doing great things professionally as well. The gala was amazing by the way!'
"Thank you. I'm trying to look on the brighter side of things, for Eva."
'So personal life? How's that going?'
"Um...well, I met someone but I'm not sure"
'How come?'
"Jenn. Cmon you're my shrink, you should know why."
'I'm asking you Lauren. What are you unsure about?'
"I have baggage. Im not just single, I'm a single parent. I'm not just a divorcée, I'm a widow. If I was her I wouldn't want to date me."
'But you're not.'
"Huh?"
'You are not her. She may be seeing things differently than you are. It may be a positive in her eyes, not a negative.'
"I'm just not sure if I'm ready. How would you know...after..what I've been through."
'Your company's name is 'RosePhotography' right?'
"Yes"
'I have a quote for you, "Do not watch the petals fall from the rose with sadness, know that, like life, things sometimes must fade, before they can bloom again."'