Super Charged

The Last Summoning

I went to the farmers' market, vowing to come back once this was all over to get food that I would actually eat. Everything else I needed for the summoning was still at my apartment.

I got everything set up, and brought out my old piece of paper with the Latin on it. Double, and then triple checking everything. This time, instead of a Double A battery, I had the battery from my truck.

I was about to start, when a thought crossed my mind. I pulled out my phone and dialed a number. It went to voicemail. I heard the cheery: "Leave a message at the beep!"

"Hey Mom," I started. "I just wanted to tell you I love you." I sighed, this was harder than I thought. "And if something were to ever happen to me, promise me you won't... Don't go to church. Ok? Anyways, I'll see you Saturday. Bye."

I swallowed nervously, this time would be much different, I was switching out something much, much more important than a little battery. I was probably very stupid. Steeling myself, I began the incantation. I got to the part where in Latin it says: "A demon," and I took a deep breath, and said "Hades, Lord of Hell," and slammed the bronze knife into the battery. There. Done.

For a moment nothing happened, and I thought maybe for a second it didn't work. Then a noise like two discordant tuning forks began, and it got loud. Darkness swirled inside the pentagram, with a fiery center beginning to be seen.

A deep, sepulchral voice emanated from the cloud: "You summon me, mere mortal, thinking your childish chalk lines will hold me?"

"It's not chalk," I interrupted.

"I- What?"

"It's not chalk," I said again.

The cloud seemed to observe for the first time, that instead of chalk I had painted the lines with my feces.

"That is disgusting," Hades said. The fiery cloud pulsed, and it seemed to be flexing against the bindings in the pentagram. "This is thoroughly irritating," he intoned, sounding more bored than irritated.

"Nonetheless, I see you have brought merely one soul. Even those before thought to bring at least six."

"But this is no ordinary soul," I argued, and for the first time I looked down at the bowl that held the essence at my feet. Instead of the cool electric blue, this one was a fiery red, that crackled and jumped instead of swirling easily.

"And it isn't even a human soul-" he began, and then paused. I swear I heard the cloud sniff.

"Deal," Hades said.

"It's two items," I began.

"That matters not. Deal."

"First, the demon who has called himself 'Donny' must be confined to the lowest reaches of Hell, never to come out again."

"Second, after our talk here, portals connecting Earth to Hell are never to be opened again," I finished.

"Wait," Hades began.

"Nope, you already agreed to the terms," I said.

The cloud paused, seeming to mull over the situation.

"Not the most foresightful deal I have ever made," it spoke, "but not a poor deal nonetheless. Goodbye mortal."

With that, Hades left my apartment, and I was left there with poop on my floor.

I'm don't think I'm getting my security deposit back.