night song

night song // camren oneshot

Lauren,

I can't do this anymore - I can't take being with you anymore.

The day you asked me to be yours, you called me beautiful twelve times. I counted, and wrote it in my songwriting journal - the one I never even let you see. Most of the songs were about you, anyways. For the first two years, all my songs were about you.

I loved you.

You were my Lolo. I was your Camz. You were my little nugget. I was your shining star. You called me immaculate, even though we both knew that the ideal of a true state of perfection was just an illusion - we never pretended to be saints. We loved one another. In the start you would spend every day with me - skip classes to be with me - go the extra mile. You were the person who wouldn't just sit in the car thinking about me, but would actually put the car into gear and start driving.

Now here we are, two years later, and the bridge that bonded our hearts so close together has collapsed. We've grown distant. You've grown distant. I see more of you on Instagram than face to face now.

It's Lucy. You're always with Lucy now.

The comet to my constellations, you have moved on to new universes in the snap of a finger - quickly, so quickly. Too fast for me to comprehend.

What I'm trying to say here, Lauren, is that it's time for me to go. No matter how wonderful the past was with you, the present is what matters most.

And the present hurts, it hurts like hell. Being with you has become like being next to the sun. Each time I see you next to her, I feel burnt. As if I'm suffocating on the smoke and ashes that our love has been reduced to.

You never call me beautiful.

You never say you're mine anymore.

Instead, you detach. Detach, and wait for me to find out myself, I suppose. I just wish you had told me upfront. Face to face. Heart to heart. Telling me shouldn't have been a matter of fidelity, but because I had a right to know. I have spent too much time wondering about you. I thought you were the person for me.

I suppose I just wasn't the person for you anymore.

For two years, we were each other's shining stars, glimmering in the simple fact that we were together. But no matter how many millions of years of centuries it takes, even stars have an expiration date.

We were fireworks, boxes of homemade dynamite, destined to shine - and destined, as all stars and fireworks are, to self destruct, to collapse into ourselves. Maybe we were always destined to end, and in the beginning we just didn't see it.

Maybe, just as all fireworks do, we were meant to explode into oblivion.

It took me a month of tears and crumpled paper to stop singing about you as what you are than what you were to me - because what you are now is just a shadow of what you once were. The person you once were noticed when I was sad. The person you once were didn't lie to me - told me that the love yous that you said actually meant something. 

The you that you were to me told me that I meant something.

 Nothing inspires art like broken hearts do.

I hope that in the time that passes after this letter, I find someone who treats me the way you used to. I want to find someone who smiles when they see me walk in a room, someone who laughs at all my shitty jokes the way you used to.

I want to find someone who doesn't let themselves become distant. Someone who will never stop calling me beautiful, someone who will kiss me every time they see me look in the mirror and start to tear up.

I want to find someone bright again. Someone who turns the paint palette of my life into a flurry of pinks and yellows. I want to find someone who reminds me of the rising sun.

For two years, you were my shimmering star.

Now?

You're as unreadable as the night sky.

I love you. I really do.

But it's time for me to go.

Forever Yours,

Camila

-

A/N: I wrote this in March?? And I just found it??

But yep. Decided to publish something of my own for the first time in a while. Despite the fact that I love publishing converted fics, I miss writing my own stuff. Work gets in the way of the writing process. ):

Love yourselves. You are more than worthy. Be kind to yourselves, and to others. No matter how difficult it may be, try to forgive. I understand if you can't, but try.

Love you all ❤

- Sel