Me

Havent posted in awhile

I know when people talk to me, I'm usually really upbeat and happy... But I'm really not, usually.
Most days I lay on my room watching cringe comps and binging Family Guy or American Dad, and I lay there for hours only really getting up for water and food occasionally.

While I lay there I cry. I cry most times. I hate it... I really hate it when I cry because it's just so damn exhausting. It happens so often. I just cry for no reason. And I can't tell my friends my problems directly because they'll try to talk to me about it and I feel so awkward in those situations, and I feel as if I'm pushing them away and I know! I know I shouldn't but I know I do!

Sometimes I feel like I'm forcing them to be my friend. It really hurts when I think about that. I know I'm clingy, I can't help it... I just want to cling on to people and I just hope they never leave, but I know I'll end up dropping one and then

poof.

That friend is suddenly gone forever and they're mad and they're upset and I know it's fault so I cry and cry despite them begging me not too. I get so frustrated when I lose people and the frustration makes me feel so bad because I can't be mad, being mad is bad... really bad... and No one likes it, i know they don't.

I'm 100% sure my friends are tired of all my shitty self-doubt and lack of confidence. I cried because I don't have my own fucking art style for Christ's sake!

Anyway, I'm done crying at 3AM. It's making me tired.