Nick Needs a Family

Chapter 17

[Author's note: While still rated T, this chapter contains a brief non-graphic description of a potentially dubcon situation.]

No charges were filed against Nick for the deaths of the two mammals at the prison in Northlund. He's still working through some lingering guilt from that and the way he left things with his dad, but he's been seeing a counselor, and I think it's helping.

Speaking of which, he's agreed that we should start seeing a counselor together. In fact, it seems like he's being overly accommodating to everything these days, which feels... off. I know he's been having nightmares, and I can't help but feel something else is really bothering Nick. I'll just have to give him time.

The first thing Nick did when he finally got out of the hospital was say goodbye to his father.

Birds twittered in the nearby trees, and a soft spring breeze ruffled the grass as Nick and Judy quietly watched while a gopher lowered John's casket into the ground. Several more gophers solemnly stood several yards away, shovels in hand. After a few moments, Nick nodded to them, before he turned and knelt to place flowers on his mother's headstone. He gently rested his paw on the ground and spoke with a hushed voice.

"Well Ma, you paid for the adjoining plot, and it still has his name on it, so I'm gonna assume you're ok with Pa being here next to you." Judy moved to stand silently beside Nick. Several moments later, he stood up and brushed the dust off his pants. He looked at her and said, "You doin' ok?"

Judy gave him a wry grin. "I'm supposed to be the one asking you that." She sighed and added, "Today's not about me..."

Nick rubbed the back of his neck uncertainly with one paw, then glanced over at the waiting gophers. "You know what, let's go for a walk so these folks can do their job." Nick grabbed her paw, and they slowly made their way down a footpath towards the small pond that stood between the cemetery and a nearby park.

They were both silent, but a few times Judy caught him sneaking glances at her. He was waiting for her to speak, but she didn't say anything until they reached a bench on a small bluff overlooking the pond. They both sat and she said, "It's weird, I still don't feel any... closure, if that makes sense. It sounds dumb, because I know the loss of a few clumps of cells is nowhere near the same thing as the loss of your dad, but-"

Nick interrupted her. "I get it. And don't ignore your losses because of mine, Fluff." He pulled her close with one arm and stared out across the pond for a few minutes before Judy heard him inhale deeply. She looked up to see a smile teasing at the corner of his mouth. He gazed down at her and said, "Thank you for being here with me today, Judy."

Several officers had expressed interest in coming to the funeral, and a surprising number of my family did too, but Nick wanted to keep the service small. I thought back to the herd of mammals who came to his mother's funeral, and I can understand why he wanted something more low-key this time.

Nick still isn't sleeping well, and it's impacting his performance at work. Chief Bogo yelled at him for taking too long to finish his dad's missing mammal report, and we ended up getting stuck with desk duty. I was hoping to go on patrol and enjoy the spring day, especially now that I'm finally done working on my part of the Marmota case. I can't wait for the day we bring him in, because it's becoming increasingly clear he frequently uses blackmail during his "investigative reporting" to get what he wants.

I'm worried about Nick. He also got in trouble for wasting time on the clock looking for Karla Lisza. If Nick were a buck, I'd be jealous about how obsessively he's been trying to find her, especially with his other odd behavior. When he isn't distracted and withdrawn, he's almost... manic. We're moving in together at the end of the month, and half the time he disappears to his apartment for days to pack his things up, and the other half of the time he's overly affectionate. I can't even remember how many times he's bought me flowers since he got out of the hospital, or unexpectedly taken me to a fancy restaurant, only to disappear without a word back to his apartment for a day or more.