My life...
I don’t know how to describe myself or my life. I guess I’ll start at the beginning. Let’s see, I was born on June 29th and my sister is like only 12 months older than me and my brother is 12 months older than her. I was born premature. The doctor’s had given up on me. The day my mom, crying and hysterical, had finally agreed to take me off life support my dad had brought my brother and sister in to see me. My sister was still a baby and my brother was 2 years old. When my brother looked at me he said, “Clayre!” and pointed at me. Suddenly I had started breathing on my own and my skin started turning a normal pink color. It was about 3 weeks later I was closer to normal size and I was stable enough to go home. At the hospital my mother named me Clayre Jamie Wilde. The name my brother gave me, my mother’s middle name and the family last name. She was so proud of me. She was proud of my brother Leon Morgan too. My sister, Ashley Kari and me and Leon, it was a lot for my mom and dad to handle. When I was about 3, Ashley and I were playing a game of Catch. We were actually sitting on the kitchen floor rolling the ball back and forth.Leon was 5 and suddenly came running through the room and attempted to jump over my sister but instead he twisted his foot and landed on her arm, twisting his ankle and fracturing her wrist. Ashley screamed for days andLeon sat in his room moaning over his ankle and I sat in the corner ofLeon’s room holding my hands over my ears rocking back and forth. Ashley had lots of pictures taken of her smiling and showing off her cast with one arm around a frowning 3 year old andLeon with his arm around me. He and I were always the closest siblings. Ashley was too independent to have siblings. When I was 7 a 9 year old Leon Morgan came running out to meet me on the first day of school. Ashley was always last and sometimes she got left behind… but she never cried about it just socket me in the arm and I would start crying andLeon would start arguing with Ashley. Dad would have to break up the fight and mom could only try to comfort me. When I was 10 years old I entered the science fair. I won the science fair the school held but when I went on to district I got scared. Ashley didn’t really care that day, she was busy talking to and wooing all of the boys. I was just finishing setting up my display when my sister walked away hand in hand with some boy who was so not her type and Leon walked up to my display. He looked it over with a serious face. When he looked at me, he blew me a raspberry, I laughed and he said, “Good luck, Clayre. I believe in you.” I smiled at him and he walked away to go find Ashley. At the end of that day, I had won the district science fair,Leon had caught Ashley having sex in the boys bathroom but that didn’t affect me. I was in a good mood and I blamed it all on my brother. He had wished me luck. He was my good luck charm. It was when I was 11 that my dad died. He died when I needed him the most. I was always closer to him than my mom. My mom was “just there” but my dad was real. He was something I could count on. It was after the funeral and after his burial that I vowed to my self to always be innocent and to never fall in love. I fell into a deep depression. I barely spoke.Leon did his best to make me smile or to help me. At 13 he was dealing with the beginnings of teen years but some how he made me his first priority. I remember his voice, his words saying, “Don’t give up. I’m here for you. I love you Clayre. Stay with us please. We can’t lose you. Don’t give up. I’m here for you. I love--” over and over again. He even skipped school for weeks at a time to try and help me. Finally one day as he repeated his words over and over again he stopped. He sat down next to me grabbed my hand and drew shapes with his finger on it. “Hi Clayre. I need you. I know I can’t give up on you but I really need you right now.” He started tearing up and his voice cracked. “Please, let me know you can hear me and that you’re OK. I promise I’ll keep trying.” He lifted my hand to his cheek and started sobbing. I stirred and my eyes shifted to look at him. My mind was still slightly lost but my mouth formed the word for me.
“Leon?”
His head popped up and he really looked at me. I blinked a few times and tried to withdraw my hand from his embrace but he grabbed my hand tighter. “Say something Clayre.” He demanded, staring into my silver grey eyes.
“Let go of meLeon.” I threatened fighting a smile.
“Stand up.” He ordered. I stood up smiling, a real and true smile.
“Where’s Ashley?” I asked.
“Right here!” she said popping into the room. “Wow. You’re OK again? This is great!!” Ashley smiled and reached out for a hug but I grippedLeon’s hand tighter and turned my head away and my body shifted slightly to hide behind him. He got the message and shooed Ashley away. I was 13 when I was fully and completely myself again. I got engaged in different hobbies and felt like living again. My fathers’ death was the past and I was the future. I held his name and I was going to make it thrive.
