The Emo Hot Mess (Diary Edition)

Life Without Passion is Numb.

I'm so sick
of my own lack of self worth.
Every time I do something I'm judging myself harder than necessary.
I'm so sick with jealousy and vanity
That it makes me want to vomit.
But no one knows.
I act nervous before I do new things, 
but that's all anyone sees.
What no one sees is that I go home and dwell on things I've done and am going to do
Forever.
I question my passions.
If you can't do it, why bother trying.
You could call this laziness (it probably is,)
But even lazy people have at least one thing that pulls them out of their slump.
Nothing. Numb.
I am not a good dancer, decent at best.
When I'm on stage with my team, my family's eyes are on the skinnier, more flexible,
BETTER GIRLS.
I will never get straight A's again.
I was once their star student
Now when I walk through the door, I hope they haven't seen the update from my teachers.
I am not a good artist, a liar in fact.
More of my art is copied from others or "redrawn." BITCH YOU COPIED IT AND USED DIFFERENT COLORS SO YOU CALLED IT YOURS.
I even question my sadness.
You have no right to be sad. You have parents, you have food,
you have friends,
you have a home.
But you don't have a passion.
You have nothing.