What You Give

2/L

"Change comes like a little wind that ruffles the curtains at dawn, and it comes like a stealthy perfume of wildflowers hidden in the grass."

~John Steinbeck~

***

“Rossum.”

“Hmm?”

“I asked you a question, where are you today?” Bea laughs.

“Oh – I’m sorry. I was just… thinking. What did you ask me, again?”

“I asked if you were excited about your trip this weekend… I’m guessing you’re not.”

“No I am!” You don’t sound it. “Really, I am!” I cap off my statement with a laugh so fake that I catch myself welcoming Bea to slap me across the face.

“Uh-huh.” I’m glad she knows me well enough to occasionally catch me in a lie. I’m not at the top of my game today.

“Look I am excited. I’m just… nervous, like, I’m not really sure what I’m stepping in to with Mac’s parents. He isn’t fond of them but he has never made much effort to actually detail why.”

“Well what do you expect? You don’t tell him anything about your life either.”

I shoot her an irritated glance. “Bea, I do tell him some things. And besides, he’s much more open about his past than I am. He doesn’t seem to mind either. ”

“I think it’s odd that you’ve known each other for this long and he still doesn’t ask you questions about your parents. Or that you haven’t told him.” She eyes me at that, but quickly looks away as if sensing that reprimanding me today would be a poor decision on her part.

I take a sip of my soda. “From what he has told me, he has enough on his plate with his own family; they pressure him often, and there is some sort of animosity between he and his dad that I can’t put my finger on yet.” It’s something we have in common, but it worries me that I will be witness to the first encounter between Mac and his father that has occurred in years; I haven’t even seen his parents, save graduation day. My father and I are kicking and screaming the minute we are in the same room as each other, and I see him at least once a week. I don’t imagine the amount of space Mac has been granted by his father will lead to a sweet reunion.

“Well they may really like you! That might ease the tension!” Bea can’t even finish her first sentence without bursting into a fit of giggles, and my laughter follows hers.

“Oh yes I am sure I will charm the pants off of his preacher father and socialite mother. I have a knack for gaining strangers’ affections.”

“Oh stop with the negativity. I think you can be very charming, when the situation calls for it.”

I don’t answer her, distracted by the incessant buzzing of my phone in my pocket. Four texts from Mac, all containing lists of things to pack; we aren’t leaving for another two days, but I know his mind is definitely not focused on the present.

“You think I’m nervous… Mac has been on edge the past couple days, constantly jumping about the apartment and pacing and stuff. I swear, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve had a conversation with him where he wasn’t mentally present in the last seventy-two hours.” The closer the trip gets, the more panicked he becomes. I can’t even comfort him, because I’m equally as terrified and his nerves just set me off.

BJ slurps her iced tea before hesitantly probing a topic field we don’t often open for discussion. “Have you guys said it yet?”

I glance up from reading Mac’s third list to meet Bea’s eyes. “Hmm? Oh, said what?”