𝐓𝐎 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐘 𝐈 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄 SCOTT MCCALL

xxix.

DEAR SCOTT

if you are reading this, then i am gone. i understand that you want answers, but i can't give you any. but just know, i did this for our friends, i did this for my family, i did this for you. i know this may confuse you, but there's a reason that i'm gone. it's going to save you, that's what the deal was, and maybe this only slows things down, but that gives you time to figure things out for yourself. i can't say i'm sorry for some things, because i'm not sorry, i will never be sorry for protecting the people i love. but i am sorry about how we left things, about how i left you. and i am sorry that i hurt you. tell everyone that i love them, that it'll be okay. you guys will understand soon. i love you, scott mccall. LOVE LILI

[ transition from letter to real life ]

scott felt a tear slide down his cheek as he read the last letter, lili's cursive handwriting marking the page. his eyes scanned the paper over and over, rereading the same line - you will understand soon. he wanted answers now more than ever. he never thought that there was more to what happened. for a while, before he found her letters, he thought it was just a fight gone bad. and he blamed himself for her death, that he didn't protect her, that he didn't even notice what was practically happening right in front of him.

but knowing the truth didn't change much. he still blamed himself, because in her own words, she died for him. she died for her friends and for her family. and as much honor as there is in that, scott still despised himself for what happened. she was never supposed to die, that was never in his plan. they were supposed to graduate and buy a house together, they were supposed to get married and have kids.

but there he was, having just gotten back from her funeral, sitting in the room of his dead girlfriend, sitting on her bed, reading the letters she wrote.

scott folded the letter in his hands, quickly setting each letter back into the box where he found them. his whole body shook as he stood up, barely able to keep his balance. he wiped away his tears, and tightly held onto the box that was packed with her letters, pictures, and more belongings her parents had welcomed him to. and with one last look around the more so empty room, he walked out the door.