Move

"This is it, " Devus complained. This is the pits. The absolute pits. First, the car has a boot, no one would pick up their phone to give him a ride and those who did had a sob story for days. And all this before he just got a text from his fair weathered best friend who told him the wrong venue. Turns out it was an address of some abandoned warehouse that the buddy did a Halloween photo shoot at last month. Why did Devus even listen? This is the same guy who thought one could make underwater motorboats using spare parts from a cd player, a half-stripped car and no experience in making anything. All that resulted from that were futuristic-looking cement boots and it was up to Devus to fish his best friend out of the lake before reaching a watery grave.

And he had nerve to complain that he nearly got it! Devus momentarily fumed. He looked around at the empty street, trying to craft some kind of idea out of this situation until he came across the clock tower.

It was 4 PM, on the dot.

"I got less than a half hour?" Devus exclaimed. Aw, man, where did the time go? Devus set out at about one so he would have screw up time, get stuck in traffic and still be early. This is not his day - no, this is not his life.

"Why does this always happen to me?" He muttered as the futility of his situation sank in. "I'm not a bad person. Okay, I forgot to feed my parakeet a couple mornings but I made up by giving him extra when I got home and let him bite me. I'm not a bad guy. Others have done way worse than me and still gotten off better. I don't want, like, a personal call of congratulations from the President for not being a terrible person, I just want things to go right for once. Why'd they boot my car anyway? I never gotten a ticket, not even a Driving While Black - well, it was funny when Den got a Driving While White from that Black cop."

While reminiscing, a meter officer strolled by and spotted the booted car and Devus sitting on the hood of it. He had a burly voice that shook Devus from reverie, "I take it this is your car?"

"Uh, yeah - Hey! Why is there a boot on my car? I never gotten any tickets!" Devus complained.

The meter officer looked amused as he pulled out his card reader, here comes the excuses. "Do you have your license?"

Devon fished his wallet from his dress pants pockets and picked out the card to hand over to the meter maid. The meter officer ran the card and looked even further amused as he handed the card back.

"It says here you have about 180 different unpaid tickets and violations ranging from parking violations to doing a 85 in a 60."

"I was late to the X-Games and took the wrong pass," Devus quickly explained. He'll admit, being punctual is a hit or miss for him...just with more misses than hits.

"You've had countless fender benders! And some not with cars -"

"Nigel Sylvester said he was gonna be cool about that! I got the bill for his bike! That thing costs more than my car! I nearly had to sell my car to pay for his bike! And he wasn't on it! He jumped off before I hit it! BMX riders are fast. Very fast."

The meter officer cocked an eyebrow. "'Very fast'?"

Devus continued seamlessly, his hands mimicking a person springing from their bike, flailing legs, crashing bike and all, "Yup. Like a gymnast on wheels, his momma woulda been proud." The meter officer quickly scribbled a note on his pad as Devus continued miming the recreated scene.

"Uh huh," the meter officer remarked definitively. "Well, doesn't change the fact that you have unpaid-"

"I never got them! I can't pay what I don't get!"

"Sir, do you live at 685 Maybelle Lane?"

Devus stopped short of giving a new rebuttal with a confused look.

"No. That's where my momma lives and even she just moved to Beastie Bouleva - wait, have the tickets been going there?"

"Yes sir. You never changed your address," the meter officer replied smugly. "Do you know how long you've had your license?"

"Uh, somewhere around when Bush bought the election the first time?"

"Yep, it's a complete surprise you've gone this long. You must either be very lucky or slipped very far through the cracks. When did your mother move?"

"'Bout 'round that time," Devus sheepishly claimed.

The meter officer was simply floored. How could he get so far without the system catching him until now? He shook his head and siad, "Look, the boot stays on 'til you pay your tickets and I'm flagging your license so if you play forgetful again, you're going to jail, understand?"

Devus jaw dropped. "Jail? It's y'all fault that I never got nothing on my car!"

"Hey, whine to the mayor about doing paperless ticketing. I don't make the rules, I just enforce them." The meter officer handed back the card. "Just call a cab for now. You don't need to be anywhere important, right?"

Devus was simply defeated. He looked at the clock tower: 5:08.

"I was supposed to be at this thing at Neval Shoppe. It's already starting and I'm supposed to be presenting an award but it's on the other side of town."

"No, it's not. It's down the street and around the corner, you can walk there."

"No I can't, it's on South Avery St. That's across to-"

"It's North Avery St.," The meter officer explained. "They just moved a couple months back. Just go down the street and take a left for two blocks and you're there. And call a cab to go home."

Reinvigorated by this info, Devus thanked the meter officer and took off running. The meter officer chuckled to himself until he spotted something amiss.

"Hey, get off those street grates! They're -"

The street grate gave and slid under Devus' weight and, like a well dressed stone, did he plummet to the dark world below. The meter officer ran up and peered in from the sidewalk on his hands and knees. He called down to the slowly churning lump below that would have matched the darkness perfectly if not for the grey sheen of Devus' jacket, "Hey! You alright? Stay there, I'mma get some help!"

The meter officer stood up and started to radio in some first responders. Below, Devus was still reeling from the various aches and possible broken parts that met him in the slam impact on the floor of the stone tunnel. Despite his whole mind and body being taken up in pain, all he could think of is one thing:

Man, this really is the pits.