What If?

Uriah's POV

She's gone. She's really gone. MY beautiful Marlene is dead. Theres an empty feeling in my stomach. I don't like it. I stand right above her. She's laying in a casket. In the middle of a glorious blooming meadow. I remember her insisting about these things. I remember her telling me these things. Being specific about how she wants her funeral to be. But I told her not to think like that...I swore to her...I promised her that I would protect her. No matter what. That as long as she was with me I would keep her safe. Forever. We were forever. NOTHING would separate us.

I stand here a lone. And for the first time ever, I actually feel a lone. Usually I feel as if there is someone staring at me or stalking me and following me. And as I stand here by myself, I look at Mar. Nothing about her adds up. Her face too pale. She isn't laughing at my presence. Normally, she would laugh as soon as I entered the room. Her lips are still rosy but they're not in the enchanting, flirtatious smile they're usually in.

I should've done something. Tris should've saved her. Mar was the one person I trusted with my life. The one person I knew wouldn't dare to hurt me. But she has. Why did you have to hurt me Marlene? Did I really deserve to feel the pain I'm feeling right now? No. No one deserves this. Did I? I mean I admit, I have done some things I regret but...nothing that would make me...

I start to remember the night it happened. The night Mar was forced to jump off the roof. I was going to tell her. Confess my pure love for her. I even went to the room she sleeps in. When she wasn't there, I guess I figured she had gone to get some fresh air. I was gonna tell her how I felt about our future. How I pictured our kids to look. Two boys, one girl. Teaching them everything I knew about life and about true love.

I hear the rustle of grass behind me. I don't need to turn around to know who it is. The only other person who ever felt as close to Mar as me. Her best friend. Lynn.

"She doesn't look right. Does she?" She asks tilting her head to the side.

I don't turn around to talk to her. "Yea. To peaceful. To Amity for Mar." Lynn releases a slight chuckle. She makes her way towards me. She sits next to me, crossing her long arms over her bruised knees.

"You know she had a secret tattoo?" She asked me. I don't think I was suppose to answer because she knew the answer. I still shake my head no. She continues, "She asked me to tell you. In case something ever happened." I nod. I really don't have anything to say. "Sometimes I think she knew what was going to happen. Like she was ready."

"Lynn, don't say that. No one can possibly be prepared for something like this." I say my voice cracking. Reminding me of puberty. Not my proudest years. "Do you know what it is?" I ask.

"What?" Lynn replies straightening her legs out of that the soles of her sneakers touch the casket.

"The tattoo." I reply glumly. She just shakes her head.

"It's on her hip. That's all I know. Just like yours. On the left one." She says gesturing for me to go and see it for myself. I get the feeling she has a suspicion on what the tattoo will be.

I stand up slowly. Cherishing every deep breath I take now. Feeling like once I get to the casket, I won't be able to breathe anymore. I inch closer toward her body. I pull up the T-shirt she lyes in. There, in beautiful calligraphy are five letters. Each one different.

URIAH

Lynn breaks out into tears. Sobs. I've never seen her cry. I don't know how to comfort her. I have myself to deal with as well. She knew what it would be. But, Mar sure liked her secrets.

"I didn't know I meant that much to her." I say inhaling.

"Are you kidding? You're all she would ever talk about! She couldn't shut up about you. She went mad loving you. 'I didn't think love would be this hard.' She would say. Are boys freaking blind?! Or are you guys all just dog shit that can occasionally be smaller turds than the others." She said that with blame. Like she was pissed at me because Marlene loved me.

"I guess we just don't realize what we have until we lose it." I say. I can't do that ever again. One last time, I need to feel her lips. I lean down and press my lips against hers. I feel the same fireworks that were there before.

I get up off of my knees and brush the grass off them. Although, I doubt the stains will ever come out.

I walk to Lynn and take her hand. Then, I hear a laugh. A beautiful laugh. A unique laugh that could only belong to an angel. And that angel was Marlene.