Everlasting

Chapter 5

"You will never believe me if I told you that he was absolutely and utterly wonderful. He was the perfect gentleman and we got along amazingly.
He took me to a gorgeous little restaurant that just opened up across the lake and the place was beautiful. We talked all night and I got to know him much better and it wasn't awkward at all like I expected and...Oh I'm sorry I'm telling you all this, you shouldn't be hearing all these things, I got carried away, or maybe you want to because you said I should move on from you, but I can't do this, I'll never know what you want from me and I'll never know if I'm doing the right thing.
I'm sorry, Matty. I remember you said that I apologize too much but I'm truly sorry."

Tears started falling down my cheeks and my memories with him started flooding back.
I remember every morning when we talked about anything and everything while we made breakfast, I remember​ every day we waited for each other after work and walked all the way back home, I remember every night we spent together in each others arms like it was the last time we were going to see each other, and one night really was the last time we saw each other. I wish I could forget that life changing moment, I wish I could've done something to never let that happen, but you can't change the course of your life, it will end up the way it should despite all the effort you put in to try and change it. Like I did, like i tried.
And here I am after everything that happened sitting by his grave, sitting by the lifeless body of the only person that ever truly knew me, understood  me and my ways of living and helped me push through every tough moment of my life, but sadly he can't help me anymore, I lost him forever.

"Matty, I'm sorry for everything and I hope you'll forgive me right now because I don't think we'll see each other anymore. I need to take a break form this and sort everything out.
See you...someday. Goodbye for now."