Times of Change

Times of Change (3)

hey, so thanks for giving me some ideas (not!) because I have so many readers (said sarcastically) and so many comments I can't keep up (also said sarcastically) so if your reading this please give me some ideas.

It's been a few months now.  I bet John has gone back to Vietnam.  I think a lot about him these days.  I think a lot about them all.  How my parents are probably worried sick, wondering when I'll come home.  Wondering if I'm safe, or sleeping on the street.  Where I am, but I'll never go back no matter how hard life gets here at the farm. 

So far I've had about 10 jobs in the passt 3 months.  Given the owner almost all my money, saving a few dollars here and there without him knowing to save up for college to get out of this hell hole.  Hopefully the owner (I never needed to know his name) never finds out that I keep some of the money or I will be definatly out in the street with no money, because he would have taken the whole amount.  Then where will I be, a hobo. 

De'shaun, the woman who taught me everything there is to know about how the house functions, knocks on the door. 

"Lets go, its time to start making supper.  Owner says he has a big surprise for all the ladies of the house, so I suggest you come help us make supper for once."

"Hey, its not my fault that you told me, on the first day, that all I would have to do is make the money and grow the food.  So don't you start complaining as well as everyone else."

"Well I figured that since you will be doing so much for us ladies that we wouldn't give you as much work as the rest of us.  Also some of us don't like intruders into our household."

"So, do you consider me an intruder in your household?"

"If I did, do you think I would have let you skipp out on the womans chores.I would have given you all of the chores to keep you buisy, then whipped you when you didn't finish the chores?"

Everything she said was true, so I had nothing to say.  She took that as my surrender.

"See, I told you that I'm the mama of this household."

I shook my head as I passed her as she was standing in my doorway. She smirked, and I could smell her sent of baby food and asparagus mixed together.  She was a tall, burly woman.  She didn't care for herself, she cares for everyone.  Everytime she gets something new, she gives it away to anyone living in the house.  She educates her children as much as she can, I'm thinking about starting to take over the job so maybe one day she will be able to go to an amazing college and get a degree and a good job.

I don't realy do anything in the kitchen, I just stand there, doing nothing, untill the owner or one of his thugs walks into the kitchen and I make it look like I've been doing things from the very beginning.

"So, we have something to celebrate.  It's a birthday, she probably doesn't even remember that it is, because of how buisy she is all the time.  So, lets give an amazing birthday wish to Clare!"

When he said my name I was in shock, standing/leaning on the counter, I almost fell off the counter.  I looked around to see if I heard correct, when everyone started clapping their hands.  So I guess it's true then, it's now the 20th of November.  Wow, how the time just passed while I was here.

"Yeah, thats right, you forgot, didn't you?  I thought you would.  So, I've set up a party for your nineteenth birthday, in  the backyard.  So, lets go and cecebrate."

Everyone got up out of their chairs to go outside and cecebrate, but then he stoped everyone.

"Where are you all going, the celebration is a birthday/anniversary celebration which will end in cake for the rest of you, I'll be right back."

Everyone got quiet at that exact moment, and they all took gigantic steps away from me.  It felt like they all knew something that I didn't.  So I followed him outside.  His biggest thugs grabbed me by the arms and tied me to a bed that had been placed outside. And then I realized what was going to be done, he was going to rape me.  I started to scream, but it was useless because if anyone wanted to save me they would have done it a long time ago, but it probably wouldn't help my situation.  So it went as he had planned.  Afterwards he pulled me off to the side.

"You are to tell no one.  If you do I will be there in an instant and I will do it again, and if you think that I'm just joking with you to scare you then just ask your friend, De'shaun." he didn't realy need to tell me to ask her because I believed him.  If he has the audacity to do it once why not do it again.

When we walked inside, everyone seemed to not be moving.  I don't know why, because when it was done to them, it would be running through their minds and they would be bawling their eyes out, but I didn't see a single tear, I mean why would they. To them I'm just an intruder and they don't like intruders so why would they care?

"Why is everyyone so depressed? Lets give out the cake!  Start the party!  Before I change my mind." e said in a menacing tone.  And with that the cake was being passed around and the depressed mood vanished.

I don't understand how this house works, and I never will, no matter how much therapy I got afterwards, I will never forget that moment.

Another day gone by without my children.  I never thought I would become this depressed.  I've tried to kill myself multiple times, without any result.  Exept that I now live in a nursing home, or a place for people with messed up brains.  I know my husband gets on along without me.  He barly ever comes to see me anymore.  My son is in Vietnam, and my daughter ran away because of me.  I'm ruining this family.  Just to think a few years ago, I couldn't wait for my children to leave so I could have more time with my husband, but now my children are gone and my husband dumped me in an old folks home.

"My grandchildren came and visited me today.  I got to meet my newest grandaughter for the first time today." my roomate, Philis, is telling her nurse.

"I bet she was a beautiful baby."

"Oh, well she was.  She has my eye-" I zoned out at about that time.

The last memmory I have of life at home is of the fight that my husband and I had before he sent me to the insane home, saying that doing this was for my safety.  Eventhough I know better, just because I'm insane doesn't mean that I'm stupid.

I look over at the calander.  November 20th, Clare's birthday.  She's nineteen today.  She would have alredy visited me today so I could have given her a gift.  It would have been the first time anyone had come to see me in two weeks.

"Mrs. its time to take your medicine." said the nurse coming toward me.  She was holding a small plastic cup with about five different medications in them, and one of them always makes me hallucinate.  I don't understand why they give me it.  Maybe its a side effect and I won't have to take it anymore.

I still don't say anything to her.  Instead I just take the plastic cup and take them down with my drink.  I instantly start to hallucinate.  Then I pass out.