Abnormal

Chapter 2: Church

I never knew what to expect on Sundays. In a sense, it was always the same... the same music, the same schedule, the same preacher. It had been that way ever since we started coming to the church three years before then. But the people, they were different. I couldn't tell what they thought of me. I couldn't tell what they'd say to me if anything. I couldn't tell how they would react to me. 

That's partially what caused the dreadful tense feeling in my stomach this Sunday morning. I was sweating from the stress when I walked in the old brick building, anticipating what might lie ahead. Up the three flights of stairs I climbed. It certainly was a climb, at that. By the time I reached the top floor where the youth class met, I was out of breath and my heart was pounding so hard I thought it might explode.

I walked slowly down the hallway, stopping to look out the window at the city that lay below. The old building was right in the middle of downtown. Most likely, the city grew up around it. Something about that building was comforting to me in an unexpected way. No matter what was going on around it, the three-story building stood tall, unchanged, and unmoved. It was a symbol of security and a place of familiarity. Even the mustiness of the south wing was comforting to me.

When I walked into our classroom, I was met by two familiar faces, Hannah and Dyvia. Hannah saw me but proceeded her conversation with one of the other girls about some movie I hadn't seen. Sometimes I thought she was a friend, but in moments like that when she didn't even bother to say hello, I could hardly see how she would qualify for such a position. When she did talk to me, it was probably just out of pity.

Dyvia was sweet and funny, but she was younger than me and she acted younger than me. I didn't mean to seem like a stuck-up snob, but I did so wish there was someone closer to my maturity level who would be a friend to me. Nevertheless, Dyvia was kind, and she was my only option in the friend department. 

"Hi!" she exclaimed. 

"Hi" I smiled back. "What's up? Well, you know, other than the sky."

"Not much. School and stuff" she answered, as usual. 

An awkward silence filled the space between us. 

"So... doing anything interesting this week?" I asked, attempting to break the silence.

"Hmm... We're getting a new cat," she said. "His name is Solomon, and he's an orange and yellow tabby."

"Cool," I replied, my interest fading in the wind. 

"We used to have three cats... one was black with little white paws, and one was gray, and one was white and fluffy... but the gray one got run over and then we moved and we couldn't take the other two with us. I always liked cats, but we haven't had any since. We got some hermit crabs and they just weren't the same. Besides, they stink. I'm glad Mom's letting us get another cat."

Much to the relief of my bored self, our youth leader started talking. "Everybody take a seat..." Pastor Luke began. Gladly, I found a seat and sat down. Next, I half-listened to him drone on with announcements about some service project and the youth retreat.

The youth retreat was an annual three-day retreat that took place the first week of May. It was now only a couple weeks away. I reluctantly had signed up to go at Spencer's suggestion, but now I was dreading it. It might be fun, but more likely than not I'd end up being by myself. I was the weird kid who liked neither sports nor crushes, was neither tomboy nor girly girl. And quite frankly, I didn't fit in. Never had, never would.

At least, I sure didn't see how I could. I had no interests in common with the others. They talked about movies and books I'd never seen or read, and I sat there staring at my phone. They joined volleyball teams and swim teams together, and I decided to not join them would be doing them a favor (although honestly, their volleyball team couldn't get much worse than it already was).  They talked about the fun sleepovers they had had, and I had never been invited. I didn't belong there, and, whether they meant to or not, they made it painfully clear that I didn't.

Finally, Luke finished talking and closed in prayer, and we were dismissed from our large group gathering into our guys and girls Sunday school classes. 

At this point, Hannah walked over from her side of the room. 

"Hey Genevieve," she said, as we continued to walk into the classroom and find our usual seats. 

"I call the pillow!" I heard one of the girls squeal to another. They sure did like those pillows. I was a bit of a germaphobe, preferring not to use items found at a thrift store. Especially items such as pillows that hadn't been washed.

My attention turned back to Hannah. I responded, "Oh hey. How've you been?"

"Good, how are you?" she replied.

"Meh, I'm alive," I said in my usual sarcastic fashion. "So what have you been doing this week?" I really wasn't very creative in my conversation starters. Basically, every conversation began that way, and it normally didn't go very far.

"Oh, you know, just school and stuff. This week in biology class at co-op, we took blood samples and tested our own blood," she reported. 

Sometimes I couldn't believe the things they did in that group of crazy homeschoolers. "Umm, you do know that that's illegal, right?" I mumbled.

"It was kinda gross but it wasn't as bad as last week when we did frog dissections and my frog had a bunch of eggs in it." she continued.

At that point, I was no longer aware of the hunger gnawing at me from not having breakfast. In fact, it was probably I good thing I hadn't had any breakfast. If I had, it would be out the window, three stories down, and sitting on the pavement by now.

"It was awful!" Bailey joined in. "I could never be a nurse. I just can't STAND the sight of blood."

"I would be a nurse if I was smart enough." I sighed. "Blood doesn't really bother me. But I don't have what it takes to get through nursing school. I don't know what I'll do with my life." 

Hannah gave her thoughts on the matter, which was that she really hadn't thought about it much. "I guess I'll just figure it out as I go. I mean, we've got like, what, another three or four years before college, right? I don't even know if I want to go to college. There's nothing I'm really interested in anyway."

"Really? You're not going to college?" I couldn't believe my own ears. Sure, I've heard of overly-homeschooled girls who decided their only purpose in life was to be a stay at home mother... but to not go to college? In this day and age, such a thing was unheard of! Surely, if you wanted to amount to anything, you had to go to college. "I'm going to college." I pronounced assuredly.

The conversation in the room quieted down as our teacher called for our attention. After a casual, "How's everybody's week been?" and hearing a general "fine, I guess" from the group, Miss Beth began talking about the lesson for today. This was one part of the church routine I actually paid attention to. Being in the smaller group made it easier to focus.

Miss Beth was discussing a chapter in 1 Corinthians. From what I gathered, the Corinthians were quite a messed up bunch of people. "You see, when Paul wrote to the Corinthians, 'Do not be adorned by the braiding of hair and gold' and all that, he wasn't saying you can't braid your hair." she explained. All the girls wearing braids breathed a sigh of relief. So did I while staring down at the gold ring on my finger.

Miss Beth went on to explain how the appearance Paul described, in that context, was the one of an "immoral woman". Oh, what lovely conversations we got into in Sunday School. One minute we'd be talking about the Lord's Supper, the next we'd be laughing at the thought of Catholic priests getting drunk with communion wine.

Eventually, we ended our discussion on why braids aren't evil and moved on to prayer requests. This part made me uncomfortable because I always felt as if I wanted to say something, but I couldn't force the words out of my throat. 

"Pray for my aunt, because her dog just died," one girl began.

Two more hands rose up in the air.

"My sister is going on a missions trip next week," said another.

"My best friend is sick and she can't keep up in school" the third voice chimed in.

My palms were sweaty, my stomach was tense, and my heart was pounding. I wanted to raise my hand, but I couldn't make myself do it. More prayer requests were being brought up, each time the person before agreeing to pray for the request of the person after them. Only a few seconds more and my opportunity would be gone...

"Okay, well let's pray for these and then we'd better head down to the service" Miss Beth announced.

Oh well, my opportunity was gone. Maybe next week.

As they all began to pray, my heart slowed down again, the tension let up, and I wiped my sweaty fingers on my blue knit dress. 

Once they all had finished praying, and I was very relieved I wasn't one of them having to pray, everyone got up out of their chairs and started talking again. My spirits dropped as Hannah slid past me and out the door. She never stopped to talk to me afterward. Sometimes I followed her in hopes that we could have a conversation on the way down, but she was always in a hurry for some reason or another.

When I bent over to pick up my purse, I saw Divya standing next to me, smiling. Hannah might not have taken much interest in me, but I always had Divya. At the time, I didn't appreciate her as I ought to have done, but eventually, I would come to realize what a dear gift she was. Divya laughed with me, not at me. And that is just what we did.

"Read any good books lately?" she asked.

"Well, let's see... I read the Bible sometimes!" I joked.

Divya grinned at me.

"I do too!" she said.

"Wow! Who would have imagined that we've both read that book?" I said.

We both giggled and snorted with our obnoxious, embarrassing laugh at our own stupid jokes. I knew if the other girls were noticing us they must have thought we were the biggest dorks in the world. I winced slightly at the thought of how I must seem to others in moments like that, but at the same time, I was filled with a warm, pleasant feeling, one with which I wasn't well accustomed: happiness.

The moment ended and we made our way down the two flights to the sanctuary level of the building. Once we had reached the end of the hallway and walked in the big doors of the sanctuary, we parted ways, and I went and sat down in our usual seat.

Since my phone was down to 3% battery power, I sat there observing the familiar room. There were ten stained glass windows on the two sides, and of course, the stage up front. The carpeting was a dated blue, and the pew I sat on was wood with a dark finish. With how uncomfortable they were, I didn't know how it was possible for me to get so sleepy during the service.

Then I saw Jo running up the aisle. Of course, her dress was all wrinkled and her hair was a gigantic frizz ball that looked like it had never been brushed, even after the huge battle over her having to brush it this morning. Surprisingly, she wasn't carrying a cup of hot chocolate today. Where was Mom or Dad? There they came, slowly hiking up the aisle as Jo had left them in the dust. "Hi Vivvie!" she said, as she whizzed by like the road-runner. Where was she going now? I bet she was looking for the old guy who gave out candy.

Dad sat down and Mom went to fetch Jo. I slid further down the pew so they'd have a place to sit. Spencer came in late, as usual, once the music had started and the first verse was sung. I slid down some more.

Another family came and sat down on the other side of the pew. A fourth child pranced down the aisle and into the row and the family scooched uncomfortably close to me. My voice sang the words, but my mind was far from the music. Oh boy, that little kid was going to cause quite the ruckus, I bet. Already he was squirming around making noise.

The song ended, a few more songs were sung, and I heard the precious words, "You may be seated". The offering plates were passed around and a final prayer was prayed, then the pastor got up and started his preaching. 

My attention was focused on the sermon for approximately 37.4 seconds, then I drifted off into the world of my thoughts. It was quite cold in the room, so I pulled my feet up underneath me like a chicken, sitting criss-cross-applesauce on the pew. I figured it was a bit irreverent, but dying of hypothermia wasn't a terribly pleasant option either. The pastor's monotone preaching had a peculiarly lulling effect. It was strange how my eyelids were suddenly so very heavy. If only I could just rest my eyes for a minute... 

Ugh, I had done it again! I told myself I would stay awake. Yet here I was, startled awake by the sound of people singing. I had slept through the entire sermon. I couldn't believe myself! Such an immature thing to do. 

"And now, let us close with a benediction," the pastor said. "Now may the God of peace himself sanctify you completely, and may your whole spirit and soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen."