17 Second Relationships

17 Second Relationships - Part 3

Our class was walking across the parking lot one afternoon (I've forgotten where it was we were actually walking to; it wasn't exactly the first thing on my mind.) Everything was normal, until suddenly, the whole class pushed me and Goose together. (Physically. Pushed. Us. Together.)

This forced us to talk to each other. ALL BY OURSELVES. Meanwhile, the rest of the class turned around and continued walking, pretending like they totally weren't trying to hear what we were saying.

Goose and I let them get a few steps ahead of us, before having the following conversation:

Goose: Hi.

Me: Hi.

Looooong pause.

Goose: Well, I guess you know what I'm going to ask you sooo.... what's your answer?

Me: Ummmmmm.....sure.

Goose: Thanks. That's a weight off my shoulders.

They chuckle nervously.

AWKWARD SILENCE.

Goose: Soooooo......

Me: ............

Goose: Happy St. Patrick's Day....

(Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that it was St. Patrick's Day)

Me: Yeah, thanks.

THE END

Now, let me just analyze that situation.

First of all.....

HOW LAME CAN YOU GET?!

I mean, SERIOUSLY. "I guess you know what I'm going to ask you"?

Well no freaking DUH.

"That's a weight off my shoulders"?

I cringe just writing it.

That dialogue alone should have prevented me from accepting his "offer".

Yet sadly, I did.

My first "boyfriend" - a guy who had a crush on a different girl every week, who had the absolute cheesiest pick-up lines ever, and who was named after a freaking WATERFOWL.

What a catch.

So. Goose and I were dating. But do you want to know how many times he talked to me during our "relationship"?

Zero.

Zero as in zip, zilch, NONE whatsoever.

I mean, I did sit next to him one day at lunch (which made the rest if the class go "OOOOOOOOHHHHH!"), but it was seriously like there was an invisible brick wall between us.

I'm pretty sure "asking someone out" but then completely ignoring them, does NOT count as dating. ("Dating" does imply actually, oh, I don't know, going on a date?!)

But that wasn't the worst thing about my "relationship".

Oh no.

Not even close.

The worst thing was how everyone else reacted.

At first, all the attention was sort of nice, but I got sick of it after the first day or so.

I mean, all the teasing was just unbearable!!

"Sooooo....how are you and Goose doing? Hmmmmmmm?"

"Oooooooooh, Julie's got a boyfriend!"

"You guys are just so CUTE!!"

And on.

And on.

AND ON.

So really, the whole thing wasn't even that fun or anything.

Of course, all good things must end. (And I suppose even not-good things must end, as in this case.)

That's right.

Goose broke up with me.

Once again, it wasn't technically "breaking up" because we never actually dated. I mean, we sort of did.....but not really...right?

RIGHT?

The way we "broke up" was incredibly lame too. (Because, you know, the whole situation wasn't already lame enough.)

A girl in my class, Libby, told me. She was just kind of like "Julie......I'm sorry, but um... Goose wants to break up with you."

Then Goose got REALLY MAD at her because I guess he wanted to tell me himself. I guess it would have made the "break up" less....well..... stupid? (Is that a good word to use here?)

I guess I was maybe a little upset. Possibly. Sort of. I mean, I wasn't like, completely devastated, and went and sobbed my eyes out for a week, ate whole pints of ice-cream while watching sappy chick-flicks, and acted all depressed or anything like that. Mainly because:

1. It was Goose.

2. I was in sixth grade. Relationships aren't built to last in sixth grade.

3. It was Goose.

4. We didn't even really have a "relationship" anyway.

5. It was Goose.

So... really? Not much to cry about.

And that was the end of Goose's and my relationship.

One bad thing that came out of the whole thing was that things got REALLY awkward between us. Like REALLY AWKWARD.

Another bad thing is that people still tease me about it. You should hear my mom. Yeesh. (I sometimes, as in all the time, seriously regret telling her about it.) And my friends? They bring it up ALL. THE. TIME.

Like, EVERY DAY, all the time.

Just when I start to think I've finally lived it down, people bring it up all over again.

Let's face the truth: I'm never gonna live it down.

So. Things I've learned from this experience?

Well.

I guess I would say to not try to grow up too fast (all you kids out there). You're going to have plenty of time later on for all that dating stuff.

Oh jeez. That was incredibly cheesy.

I apologize.

Really, what can you learn from something like this?

Nothing really good came out of it. For me.

Well, I guess it made me more wary of dating in the future (to not rush right into a "serious relationship" or anything). And I guess I also learned that when something embarrassing happens to you, to not obsess over it - to learn to laugh at yourself (trust me, it makes things easier).

I'm sorry, that sounded really cheesy too. (It's not bad advice though.)

You know what? All I know, after going through this, is that I'm NEVER going to enter a "17 Second Relationship" again.