opposites ; max stanley

rain on me

maxwell spots me and an enormous smile stretches across his face, as he smothers me into a hug. i hesitantly hug back, and look with begging eyes at george, the right side of my face smushed against max's fast-paced heart.

why is his heart racing?

"max," george cuts in.

"we'd love to stay and talk, hang out with you guys, but we're running a little late. we have dinner reservations and have to walk."

max lets go of me, his hands trail down my arms and he holds one of my hands lightly, still smiling as he looks down at me. he nods at joji, looking slightly hurt and confused, but he seems to blow it off.

"have fun, guys!" he leans down and pecks my lips, and i give him a soft - genuine - smile. we walk opposite ways, the girl with him, joji with me of course.

i was quiet for most of the walk, until george decides to speak up.

"it's his sister."

oh. okay.

i take a large breath in, removing the cigarette from my lips beforehand.

"thank FUCK!" i exclaim, causing him to laugh and take my tiny, cold hand in his. it's a bit of a pain for him to do so, as i'm wearing his sweater, and the sleeves cover my hands, at least 6 inches of extra sleeve hanging from my hands. i'm not, like, THAT tiny. i mean, i am, but this sweater is a bit big on him as well. it would probably fit ian or max far better than either of us.

"yeah. no need to worry about that." he says, motioning for me to share my smoke with him. i take a drag before handing it to him.

"you didn't actually make reservations, did you?"

"no, of course not. it was the first thing i came up with to get you outta there."

i nod, "good job."

it was raining pretty fucking heavily, but to my luck, i love the rain, and so does george. so we definitely didn't mind. the sky is dark and there is a tiny amount of fog, but not enough to put any risk to pedestrians or traffic. after a minute or two, the warm boy beside me passes the cigarette back to me, for some reason placing in between my lips instead of letting my grab it myself. he snickers at me as i fumble, almost dropping the half cigarette into a puddle. i sigh at george and fake-angrily glare at him.

"so, have you decided where we're going yet?" i say, looking up at him, and he shakes his head no. 

"i'm down for whatever," he replies, shrugging softly, readjusting his hand in mine.

"well frick george, i am also down for whatever, you know i can't make decisions."

we bicker back and forth about what we feel like eating, crossing streets and weaving throughout groups of people, getting closer and closer to downtown. it's only about a 25 minute walk, and to be frank, it's an enjoyable walk. exiting the quieter neighbourhood of cobble hill and entering the busier streets. things get louder, sidewalks get wider, yet you have far less room due to all the people. as much as i do love the ruckus of the busier parts of new york, it's nice to have a break. i mean, technically, i almost never go out of my neighbourhood. fuck, i don't really leave the house anymore unless george drags me out somewhere. otherwise, it's just back and forth between work and home. i've been outside for most of my life, and i feel really privileged to be able to have a place i can call home, somewhere i can go to keep warm, somewhere i know i'm safe, and make it a safe place for others as well. we pass dozens and dozens of people walking dogs, and to my surprise, people walk their cats as well. 

"see that?," i point at a girl that looks a big younger than me, who's walking her overweight looking tabby cat on a harness.

"i wanna do that with my soon-to-be cat. but, y'know, if he's like, healthy enough to do that when i get him. or her." 

george laughs, "of course you do."

we stop at a crosswalk and look around the area, seeing various food places and i point to a taco bell a block or two away. 

"do you want to just eat there?" i ask.

george mumbles an 'okay' and we continue to talk about absolute nonsense, making our way throughout the rain.

----

9:29pm

george and i did end up getting taco bell, we also bought a few cartons of cigarettes and he bought me a fairly large tub of ice cream as well. just in case i 'get sad when he's not around'. i guess i understand what he means by that. he was going to spend the night with me, but he forgot he had to work on editing a video. i didn't make him stay, i figure i just need some time alone. i really think i need to process things, how i feel, what i want in life, whatever. just stuff like that. 

i've been ignoring max's texts, but part of me feels guilty about it. i feel like i should spend more time with him. he said he heard george bring me home, and that was almost an hour ago, he's texted and asked if i was free, if i was okay, and reminded me that if i need anything, i can just stop by. he really is a sweet guy, and maybe i overreacted. but then again, if he's that kind of guy, is it even worth putting in effort trying to start a relationship that may just fail instantly? what if he cheats on me or what if i'm not mentally healthy enough to hold up my end of a relationship yet.

should i text him back?