Feelings

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Masky's POV
Slender has been assigning more and more missions for me with Hoodie. And over those times I've made a real connection with him. I'm starting to really like him... in that way. I'm with Toby though. I just don't love him the way I used to. But he loves me so much, you can tell. I don't want to break his heart... but I have to. I just have to.
Toby and I are sitting on the couch watching tv. He looked over at me and smiled. I looked at him but didn't smile back. He frowned and turned back to the tv. I can see that he's hurt. I haven't been around him that often. I make Toby sleep in his own bed now too. He cries because of the nightmares, but I don't go help. I feel terrible, but I just don't love him anymore.
"Hey Masky." He said getting my attention.
"Yeah." I said plainly.
"I love you." He said sadly. I didn't answer. He looked so sad. He got up from the couch and walked off to his bedroom. I sighed. Hoodie came in the room and sat next to me.
"Hey Masky. Can I tell you something?" He asked, I nodded.
"I like you... in that way." Hoodie said nervously.
"I like you that way too." He looked happy. I lifted my mask and kissed the mask less Hoodie. He kissed back. We didn't see BEN in the doorway. Watching us. I heard him take a picture. He walked off and upstairs. I feel terrible for doing this to Toby. But I love Brian more.
Toby's POV
He doesn't love me anymore. I don't think he ever loved me. He won't kiss me, or let me sleep in his room. He doesn't hug me, and he ignores me. It hurts so bad. I was in my room silently crying, when I heard a knock on the door. I answered it and BEN walked in.
"Hey Toby, in really sorry but-" he stopped mid sentence and showed me a picture on his phone of Hoodie and Masky kissing. I broke down crying. I knew it. He never loved me.
"I thought he loved me..." I said sadly.
"I'm really sorry Toby." BEN said I stood up.
"I knew it." I said sadly. BEN hugged me. We're friends now. I rather Masky just tell me that he didn't love me from the beginning. Then I wouldn't have trusted him. I'm never trusting anyone, ever again.
"I have to go Toby. I'll come back later." BEN said. I didn't answer. He got up and left. Leaving me alone. Forever. Why does everyone I love leave me?
'No one would ever love a freak like you!'
'You're just a stupid loser!'
'No one would love a fatass like you!'
'Why can't you just die!'
'He never loved you!'
'It was all a joke!'
'No one will ever love you!'
The voices said cruelly.
"I know..." I said out loud.
"Why am I so stupid?" I asked myself.
"You'e always been stupid. No one will ever love you." Holy crap. I'm talking to myself.
"You're a disgusting freak."
"I know"
"You should die."
"I know."
I continued talking to myself.
-time skip-
I've been sitting here talking shit about myself for 3 hours. No one has come to see if I'm ok. I felt my stomach grumble. But I'm not leaving this room. Suddenly, I heard a knock at my door. I didn't answer so they came right in. It was BEN. He sat next to me.
"I heard you talking to yourself. I've been sitting outside your door for 2 hours. You really shouldn't talk about yourself like that." He said worried about my health. I shook my head.
"It's all true. How could I have been so stupid?" I asked out loud.
"I'm really sorry. Maybe Masky just lost interest in you." BEN said. Jee thanks. That makes me feel better.
"Why does everyone I love leave me BEN?" I asked. He shook his head.
"I brought you food." BEN said.
"I don't want any." I said sadly. He nodded.
"Wanna come play a video game? It might help." He suggested. I shook my head no. Tears started going down my face again.
"BEN I FREAKIN LOVED HIM SO MUCH!" I suddenly yelled. He hugged me tighter. BEN turned around towards the door. And stuck his middle finger up at someone. I wanted to see who it was, but BEN kept getting in the way.
"Who was that?" I asked sniffling.
"No one." He lied, but I nodded. BEN really is a good friend. But I just wish Masky still loved me.
"BEN, who was it?" I asked again. He shook his head. I still love him. That's what hurts the most. Loving someone, but knowing that they will never love you.
'Listen little Bitch, no one would ever like a fatass, retard, twitching freak like you. You have no friends and no one loves you. You will die alone. You're stupid for thinking anyone would love a faggot like you!'
An evil voice spat.
"I know. I am." I said aloud. BEN started pulling me out of the room. I started thrashing around, but BEN was pretty strong. I let him pull me downstairs and into the kitchen. I laid ok the floor as more tears flowed down my face. I feel so used and stepped on. I feel like someone just stabbed me through the heart. I remember all thoughts times Masky said, "I love you" to me. He didn't mean it. But I know, all thoughts tunes he said that he hated me, he really did mean it.  BEN was walking around the kitchen doing who knows what. Masky then came in the room and came towards me. I got up and moved towards BEN. BEN seemed really angry at Masky, so I figured he'd be the safest if Masky tried to talk to me.
"Toby, I'm really sor-" I interrupted Masky.
"No you're not." And with that, BEN and I left the room. I walked to my bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet. I found my old razor and stared at it.
'Do it'
'No one cares'
'Just do it. It's not to late to start back up again.'
I thought about it. The sweet smell of blood. I needed it. I'm ugly, might as well make myself uglier. I dragged the blade across my skin, slowly at first but then quickly all over my arms. This is what Masky wanted. To see my depressed, broken and disgusting. I carved different words into my skin without even knowing it. I carved Faggot, Loser, Retard, unloved and many more. I looked at my arms. It was all red. I washed off the blood in the sink and watched the red liquid go down the drain. I didn't even bother rapping the cuts. I laid down on my bed and remember that time I had cancer and almost died. I wish I had, then I wouldn't have to be in the position. I was so devoted and loyal to Masky. I would have done anything just to make him happy. This is what I get in return. Depression. The world looks like it is in black and white. I saw no color, only darkness. It started raining outside. I like it when it rains, but not thunder or lightning, I hate that stuff. It was ok at first, until thunder started. I grabbed a blanket and hid under the bed. I cried and cried. Masky used to comfort me. But not anymore. He's to busy with his new boyfriend. He knows I hate storms. He's probably laughing his ass off knowing I'm scared to death. I sobbed at the thought of Masky cuddling me and holding me. He was so warm against my cold skin. He made me feel so protected... but now I know it was all a joke. None of it was true. Fake kisses, fake love. I loved him with all my heart. And he destroyed it all. He broke my heart into a million little pieces. Without Masky, I'm nothing. A worthless cunt. A freak. I'm retarded. I'm just a twitching loser. A waste of air and space. A faggot. A price of shit. A fatass. An asshole. A monster. Why am I even alive? I could do anything I want to right now. Because when you've got nothing, you've got nothing to lose. I sighed as I sat under the bed again. It was still stormy out so I didn't move. When I'm alone most of my episodes happen. Traumatic scenes filled my head from the past. I had a hallucination of my father. He was beating me, like every other day. But this day was special. It was my birthday. Today he would give me my "gift". At this time I was 14. I was sleeping when my dad burst through the room.
"Get the fuck up whore." He said cruelly. I got up slowly knowing what my dad was going to do. Every birthday my dad does something terrible to me, worse than usual. I couldn't feel it, yet I hated it. He grabbed me as I thrashed trying to get out of his death grip. He tied me up with belts and laid me in the bathtub and took off my clothes until I was just in my boxers. He left to go out side for a moment and came back with a metal rod. It looked to be heated up, probably from the fire pit outside. He slowly brought it down on my stomach as I cried and screamed. He brought it down again, but harder on my back. He continued this until the rod wasn't hot anymore.
"Happy birthday freak!" He yelled as he left the room, after turning in the bath water, as cold as it could go. I cried and sobbed. The burns looked bad and would definitely leave a scar. I turned off the water with my teeth and laid back in the cold water. I couldn't move cause he tied my hands and feet together. I waited, until my sister came into the room. She gasped and untied me. She hugged me, but when she let go... her face was bloody along with the rest of her body. Her ribs  were out as well as some flesh. Her jaw was moved to the side and she looked like a zombie. That's how she looked after the crash. She grabbed my neck and I let her. Suddenly the episode ended and I was no longer under the bed. I opened my eyes to see Jeff, BEN, Jane and Ej looking down at me.
"Are you ok Toby?" Jeff asked. I shook my head no.
"You were screaming bloody murder and crying your heart out." BEN stated. I nodded.
"I was having an episode." I said sadly.
"What was it about? It seemed pretty bad. One of your worst." Jeff stated. I lifted my shirt and pointed to the scars the burns had caused.
"It was my birthday and my dad was giving me my "present"." I said with hate in every word.
"He burned you!?" BEN asked.
"With a hot metal rod." I stayed. He nodded. I rolled under the bed again and hugged the blankets I had under there. I thought about how whenever I had and episode, Masky would always be there by my side. He didn't come this time. He doesn't help when I get nightmares anymore. A tear went down my face.
"What's wrong, Toby?" Ej asked.
"He doesn't love me. He doesn't care if I'm hurting." I said sadly.
"What do you mean?" Kane asked.
"Masky doesn't love Toby anymore and cheated on him with Hoodie. They broke up but Toby still loves him but Masky doesn't." BEN said.
"Oh" Jane said sadly.
"WHY THE FUCK WOULD HE DO THAT TO ME! IF HE DIDN'T LOVE ME WHY DIDN'T HE JUST SAY SO IN THE BEGINNING! NONE OF THIS WOULD BE HAPPENING!" I yelled as I sobbed.
"He doesn't care about me anymore. Why doesn't he love me, when I love him so much?" I asked. I sobbed more and more as the others left the room. Leaving me alone... forever.

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