Imagination

Thoughts

I don't know if I can take this anymore.  Everything in my life seems to be going wrong, starting from being blamed to almost losing the game that we all play called life.  It's kind of scary at how close I've come to wanting to give up on this stupid game...... life.
It's almost as if my imagination with things I want to happen or wish would happen, even good and bad, is what's keeping me alive.
Maybe it's the music I listen too because it is very weird that the most loudest and earpiercing music to have on full blast is what helps me go to sleep.
Maybe it's a girl and a boy in my life that keep me going with encouragments that keep me alive and the people of my past.  Getting to see these people make me happy and not want to quit this game, but sometimes them working together is like venom that feeds my dark soul that I can't contain.
Sometimes I wonder if it's my other half, no not a boyfriend but my father. He went through surgery just for me, not being able to walk, not wanting me to see him as an infidel. As some disgusting human being who can't walk or do anything on his own.
Try walking around as someone who has scars that they hide and feelings that they don't show but look dead.  Like there's no life, no soul, just nothing.
It's almost as if something dark is hanging over you never wanting you to come out of it or move away from it because then you'll be in the light and have a guaranteed place there. A place where there are no troubles but you can't escape it because your already too close to hell.
That's how far you've fallen to the darkness, that you can never escape.
But you always think 'No you don't need a counselor or any psychologists to fix your problem.' But then your father has a psychological break due to a chemical unbalance and you find out that it is genetic.
Again still very little light.  Your mom tryna to talk to you but then you shut her out because you don't want the love and support that is there from her or your family.
You know that no one knows how you feel, but it's so confusing.  One second you find yourself loving being with people and then the next thing you know you just hate everyone and everything.
You don't know that everything and everyone is all for you and not against you.
Right now all you can think of is how your gonna be happy again and that shall be in your........ imagination