Late Night Heartbreaks

1

Tessa

We all have a drug in our lives. Some people pour their feelings through art, while others run for hours, and others drown themselves through drugs and alcohol. Mine just happened to be in the form of a 6"2  man named Ryan Chambers.

We first met in grade 2. I was the new girl- shy, slightly awkward, and not to mention ugly with my braces and obsession to pink clothing at that age. Moving to California was different to say the least. While I was pale as a sheet from the constant clouds and rain of Vancouver, everyone else was blessed with golden tans. It was a whole new world. But, even as a seven year old I could tell that Ryan was perfect. He was stunning. He saw past all my imperfections and made me feel whole again.

We became inseparable. We were each others everything and we were happy with that. We were content.

In middle school we officially became a couple and held the title of the 'golden pair' all throughout high school until now. Senior year and everything was brand new again. It was as if I was wearing glasses that were constantly clouded over and had finally gotten new ones.

Back then I didn't know we were toxic for each other. Our friends warned us, our parents warned us, even our neighbours told us that whatever we had was unhealthy. I guess they just forgot about the issues as the blissful years went by and came to terms that we were happy. They became happy with us, smiling to themselves always commenting

"I wish I had found love as strong as those two"

"I swear they're going to get married one day"

We were in love. We didn't know who we were without our other half. And soon, no one else did either.

I was happy with that I had. I was happy that Ryan was mine when there were so many other girls willing to take my place. But, I hated what we had become. I was always an independent girl, but breaking up with Ryan Chambers was the hardest thing a girl could possibly ever go through. He was bad for me. I knew that from the second I stepped into elementary school with those sparking, ocean blue eyes and dimples that made even the teacher, Mrs.Adams, swoon. He had me hooked, lined, and sank. He had us all infatuated.

Thinking back on it now, I wouldn't regret a thing. We were each other's firsts for everything. First kiss, first time, and first heartbreak. Sometimes I look back and smile at what we could have became. Too bad I crushed that thought before it even had the chance to bloom. He was bad. Bad for me and it took me ten years to realize that simple fact. He constantly took advantage of my undying love for him and it wasn't healthy for either of us. Because we both loved each other, but we both kept hurting each other. It was constant late night conversations over the phone, early morning breakfasts together, and picnics in the park. Just happy things that kept us both in good spirits.

That was why the first time he cheated on me was such a shock. In junior year, while I was on vacation with my family in Paris for a week, he had gone out to a party and kissed another girl. He called me the day after and I brushed it off. I didn't want to be that girl who was so jealous that they lost sight on what was truly important.That was my first mistake. This led to numerous times of cheating, not only on his half, but mine as well. We were both fine with it. I wouldn't call it an open relationship but it sure wasn't exclusive. We loved each others company and it hurt the nights that we were left alone thinking about what other significant other was doing with another partner. I wanted us to last. I wanted this undeniably poisonous connection we had, but neither of us deserved that.  We knew we weren't perfect, but no one else did and that was just how it stayed.

Until I screwed everything up.