Lying is a sin in the eyes of the Catholic Church, but for me it is like a virtual reality of happiness. When lying, I lied to myself. I convince myself that I am happy, but in reality I am depressed. I pretend to be this joyful person by lying to myself. In reality I am dead and empty inside.
Ever since I was little, society told me that I must be happy, that being sad was a sin to not commit. Little did they know, they to are lying to themselves.
When I was 12, I lied to myself that I was happy when really I was depressed. So then I cut my hair short. It was short to the point where I couldn't recognize myself. I also bought a bright pink sweater to avoid the darkness but it was already there.
When I first meet people, I lie to myself that I am happy, I will even act happy. Then as time goes by they see the truth and the way I truly am. From there, they just leave. They walk out the door as they tell me how they will never leave and will always be there for me. At this point of my life I don't believe it.
I lie.... lie about love. Every time I have said I love you it is never complete and genuine. There again I lied saying that "every time I said I love you.." when I just said I have never said it from my heart. I lie... thinking that I actually have a heart, I don't even know what love is. Society says that love is something special. But who knows maybe I will lie once more to keep society happy so I can be "happy" once more.
I lie... about being greatfull of being alive and happy, but really I am upset. Upset on why would God even still want me alive and healthy. Why a young girl who has lied about happiness, love and faith. Why not for someone else who will make an impact for the greater good of the world than some girl who has thought of killing her self and ending it all might as well. Why me... What does he need me for.
While other people ask me of my depression. I say I have never been happier. I lied.... I guess some things just never change.
During the 3 grade, I told my teacher I wanted to be an astronaut. Next thing you know all I want to do is be a nurse because I lied. He told me that as a women I am not worthy of a man's job. So once again society making me seem happy, but they don't know me. So I lied
Lying is my way of happiness. It convinces me that I am actually needed, that someone loves me, even if they leave the next day, I seem to make up a story in my head and make excuses on why I am worthy. But then I lie
Lied about my wants and needs. Lied about my my happiness once again and began to eat my feelings. Then I lied on how I would stop and eat healthy but I lied. I lied even more to stay happy but now lying about it with food.
Today a few years later I am still lost. Still lying my way through my "happiness". Thinking on why I am still alive. And why.... why was I chosen for this. Is this karma or a blessing. I would lie telling myself that it is a blessing. But society will for ever get what they want and need to hear and will never receive the extra information. That is why you must lie... to be what society want to hear.
YOU ARE READING
The lies to my happiness
Thơ caI have always been told that lying is a terrible thing but the truth hurts and the way to my happiness is by locking the truth in a unit never to be opened.
