CEM MIB ~Secrets & Lies

Mirrors

Avi moved as fast as his legs would safely carry him as he navigated his way through the tangle of tables and chairs that stood between him and Rayne. He knew. He knew deep inside that the hurt Rayne felt was not what she said it was. It had nothing to do with the way Amanda had hung all over him. Nothing at all. He wasn't able to find the words to comfort her then, he doubted that he would be able to find them at all. He couldn't find them to comfort himself.

He had stayed with her as long as he could but headed right back out on the road once again, leaving her to grieve alone. Guilt, shame, and fear dug icy talons into his already shattered and broken heart and nearly crushed the life out of him. He should have stayed with her. Should have taken a little more time to work through it with her or taken her with him. That would have been the wisest thing for him to do. But sometimes he was just fucking stupid. That time he was horribly ignorant.

Once he was past the last of the chairs he let the hidden length of his legs carry him across the open space to where Rayne and Mel walked steadily toward the exit. He almost reached for her arm, forgetting the often painful consequences of having a lover so well versed in self-defense and constantly on alert.

"Rayne. Rayne. Please. Can we talk? Please?" He decided to risk it and reached for her anyway. She reacted as he expected and he reacted in kind, gently pushing her elbow aside and putting his other hand up to block the first that came flying at his face. He moved much faster than he knew he could. He felt no resistance as their bodies made contact. Their eyes met and held.

"Please? I am so very sorry." He was helpless to fight his tears. They fell readily from his eyes dark with sadness and fear and streamed down his cheeks into his beard. The love of his life was hurt beyond measure and ready to walk away from him for that pain. He wanted to argue, to fight for what he believed in, but he simply didn't know how. All he knew was to beg, ask for forgiveness and hope that he could forgive himself. The wound they shared was left unhealed and open. It had festered in his absence and threatened to destroy the love they shared from within. He had to do something, even if that meant doing it in public.

He pulled her to him. As usual, one body melted into the other until they were one. His hand was hot upon her back, soft and warm instantly caressing her skin and soothing the frayed ends of her nerves. His nose brushed her cheek beside hers as he laid a tiny tentative little kiss just above her lips all in the same moment his other hand made contact with the other side of her face and their foreheads touched. It was a profoundly intimate display of honest and pure affection and highly public. She wanted to resist him but found she could not. The pull of his soul on hers was far greater than any sense of sanity ever was. This truth was clear to her, crystal clear. She allowed his touch and returned his tender and honest intimacy with her own without thought or worry. He was the light to her dark, the beginning to her end, the very source of all happiness and joy she had ever know. There was no way to tell where one ended and the other began with them. They simply existed, lived, in the same space and time defying physics and all logic.

"I don't know where to begin. I couldn't find the words comfort you then. I doubt I ever will. I don't know how to offer you comfort when I can find none." His tears were heavy in his eyes and hot on her cheek. His hand kept moving gently on her back drawing small circles with his fingertips and warm swoops with his palm. She listened quietly holding him as close to her heart as she could get him. She was angry at him for leaving her alone when she needed him, but moreover, she was hurt, devastated by their loss.

"I'll find away. I'll find away to be home. I have to. I can't keep doing this. I just can't. I wasn't there. Wasn't there when you needed me, when I needed you. I wasn't there to help us through it." He was trembling in her arms almost shaking them both to pieces. She pulled him tighter to her locking him into her strong arms. The wound hadn't healed for him either. She closed her eyes and slipped her hand behind his head, cradling him against her. She had nothing to say, he had tons.