Its hard when you feel like you can't live in the place you call home, that you constantly fearing what is going to be said to you so you don't ask for help when you need to because you are afraid, afraid that they will tell you that it's not true, that it is fake, that it is an avoidance, an excuse or to suck it up your just weak.
When you know something is wrong but you don't know how to put it into words, or how to prove it without being called crazy.
when you act out just to get some attention even though its negative you still are glad that it is something, that the person still notices you.
Thinking that taking a blade to your skin is ok, that it gets to the point that it.is.ok. to scar yourself, to watch the blood dripping down your arm turning the white skin crimson is ok because hey at least it will heal, you can see it so it will get better because the pain and torture in your mind is constantly there all day, all night, clouding every thought, every judgement just like a toxic gas slowly killing you, so you turn to physical pain because you can see it, it is real, it will heal just leaving a reminder that you are strong but that you are also weak.
but it becomes bad when you look at the scars upon scars and want to add to it, that is when you know it has gotten bad.
When things have gotten so bad that you don't know how to keep fighting, when you feel like you are walking a tightrope on the edge of the world and losing your balance, to the point that you want to just jump to end it all, all the pain, the suffering, the struggle to keep your head above water, making others to take the burden of your problems when they have their own problems to fight through.
