Scarlet Blossom

January 3rd, 2015

It was rather a gloomy day today. The grey clouds cascaded above us, threatening to burst any moment. I like this weather. Tempests fascinated me. My ideal day would be, lying on my bed, reading an e-book with the sky crying it's heart out. Listening to the thunder rumble and the occasional lightening illuminating my room. Faint music flowing into my ears. Cuddled in the blanket, as the cold inundates the room.
But I had to go to school. Not that it was a negative thing, but I would rather stay at home on a day like this than go out and socialise.
I had to clutch the umbrella close to me as the gales battled against me. It was not raining when I left my house. The trees swayed violently. Call me queer but I was heavily enjoying this. A memory ignited at the back of my mind, as I was consumed by all this sublimity: I was a toddler then and my parents still lived together. My father was out on a business trip. It was only me and my mother. That day the weather was quite similar to this, I recall I was in the hall drawing an apple with colour pastels, as my mother was in the worship room, praying. A thunder rumbled, which made me jump out of my skin. I shot up and ran straight into my mother's lap and hid under her enclasp till the storm passed. That reminiscence made me beam. The vehement feeling of that memory filled my heart with warmth.
My heart skipped a beat as I ambled into the room. He was right there. A ray of sunshine shone right on him like a spotlight. His hair gleamed under it. It is a shade of dark golden. As though rivers of gold flowed from his scalp. He was completely absorbed in the virtual world of his screen. My eyes were fixated on his plush pink, full lips as it widened into a simper. He radiated the beauty of the rising sun. Never had I seen anything more ravishing. I had forgotten how to breathe. Those hazelnut orbs shone with such radiance I was left awestruck. I realised I was gaping at him, so I quickly looked down at my feet and picked up my pace. He looked up when I passed his table to mine. For some reason I was too shy to let out a smile. What is happening to me? I promised myself! Why do I fall again? Why? It should not be. Not after last time!
"Good Morning!" Clarisse greeted me. "Hey." I was still in shock.
"Me and couple of the others are going to Zaxby's after school...care to join?" Those words instantly snapped me out of my astound. Food before guys. Always and forever.
"Yeah sure." Wings here I come.
So Rayan was going to give us a ride. Even though we could walk there, but we are lazy teenagers with liberties. The class began shortly after.
I muttered up the courage to answer the prompt today. So kudos to that. I am trying to get over my stage fright. It is peculiar because I have been performing in front of an audience every since childhood, but I could never get over the anxiety. It was hard to get myself to do it, but I did. I stammered, a little. I also choked. I am growing out of the fear. It will take time.
D.B. is in the same lunch block as me and I could take in as much of his glory as I wanted, as I have a clear view of him from my table. No one would have suspected a thing. They would assume I am looking at my friends or something else. Little did I know how obvious the truth was. Clarisse caught me. I don't know why I felt bad about her choice of words. Not like she badmouthed me. "So why are u starring at weird guy there? Don't tell me u have a crush on him!" She said, almost disgusted. "Trust me you can do way better." Michel added to the snide remarks. None of these remarks are going to revise the way I see him. I listened to them with one ear and it flowed right out of the other.
I had to go to my counsellor after lunch, I was put in keyboard, but I wanted to be in chorus. So I requested for it. They revamped my schedule a little. They bumped me up to Honors Biology, 5th period and I had chorus after. I was a little sad. Yes, it is because I could no longer sit next to D.B. But music is more important. Not like anything is ever going to happen between me and him. He did not even talk to me or give me a smile. It is like I do not exist. Maybe this is a sign, that we are not meant to be. Message received.
I could pursue my passion. But I had to meet with my previous biology teacher each morning to brush through all that I missed through 1st semester. Biology was not the problem, but the timing was. I would arrive each day like a zombie, as I cannot function in the morning by hook or by crook. Well, I guess everything comes with a price and where there is will there is a way. No matter how thorny the way seems at the end there will always be a bed of roses.
Chorus was fun. Many things give me happiness, but few give me joy. This girl, she knew my name and I swear I have never met her. I just cannot recall seeing her and I know I would remember someone with pink hair and a bad taste in fashion. Almost goth. Just that her face was naked. Her wild green eyes intimidated me. Not to be mean but her entire appearance did. She tried to be as cordial as possible, but something about her made her repulsive. Maybe her body language.  The constant seeking for attention. I was not that keen on conversing with her, but my one line answers did not stop her. It was like she was almost prying into my bubble. I was glad when the bell rang and she finally left my side. But the few moments of joy could only last for so long. She insisted on walking with me to the parking lot. I was elated when I saw my friends and she walked away. Apparently she is quite infamous in this school. Not many like her. Neither does she have many friends. She is suicidal, has scars all over her hands and legs from attempts of self harm. Pangs of guilt consumed me, I promised myself I would try my best to look past all of..."that" and befriend her. I guess she already thinks we are friends. Well then I will play along. I will give her a chance. Even though my friends tried to dragoon me out of it, but I stood my ground.
I prepared dinner tonight. It was good and now I need to sleep I have to wake up an hour early to make it on time to my morning tutoring session. Or rather torture session. Good night.