For almost a month, I had this uhm.. boy problem if that's what it's called. Like I cry every night and I have no one to talk to about it because my friends are bitches. Then I got the chance to talk to Aaron. He was my classmate before they migrated to US for a year now. We're pretty close back then. We started talking again and I told him everything about my problems because I know he's trustworthy and he's a true friend. Like he doesn't judge you by your flaws or don't treat you differently because you met some guy unlike how my friends treated me. Yea we started talking, then it came to the point like it's my daily routine to talk to him or wait for him on Facebook, we talk for hours on Skype and little things like that. We started this joke about us being together and of course we're not really together. I know it's just a joke for him but eventually I had this different feeling for him. It's not because we're joking about us being together but it's more on because he's always there for me when I need someone to listen to my stupid problems, he makes me smile effortlessly, he cares so much for me even if I know it's just because we're good friends. I know that we can never be together and he will never feel the same way about me but I don't know.. I think my mind cannot fucking process that he will never feel the same way about me. I'm stupid, maybe. Why did I even like him? He's a good friend of mine and I know it will just ruin our relationship as friends. I love it when we talk, he's the person I think of when I'm happy or sad, I always think of him at random moments, I always miss him, and sometimes I catch myself smiling while thinking of him. At night, sometimes I thought of about telling him but I know that's such a fucking bad idea because it will just ruin our good friend relationship. Sometimes I also think of what it will be like when we're really together as a couple. Like how it will feel to be his girl. I'm crazy. Is it love? I hope not. I cannot love him because he will never love me back. Stop thinking stupid thoughts Shaina. Do you want to ruin your good friend relationship with him? I think not. So you better stop your fucking feelings.
