The Boxer (editing)

Chapter Twenty Four

Chapter Twenty Four

Although we came clean and everything like that, I still felt he had more to say. The car ride passed silently. I slid my hand onto the console of the car, right between us, whether or not he took my hand would determine if we were okay.

He kept both hands on the steering wheel.

I didn't think he believed me, fuck I ruined everything, shit, balls, fuck. Charlie was my everything and what would I do if I cracked our relationship, tearing it to pieces?

Be a lady and don't curse, my brain chided.

That ship has sailed, brain.

We stopped at the loft and I got out untangling myself from Charlie, shuffling inside. To give us some more time to process things, I jumped into the dingy little shower that Alex and I worked on installing together. I needed to smell good at The Loft, it would suck to have my second bed smell icky.

Once I garbed in some old pajama shorts and his sweatshirt, I crashed into bed.

I bundled myself in the blankets of the bed upstairs, maybe the bed will swallow me up and eat me so I don't have to be around humans.

"Dee?"

"You hate me don't you." I whispered, fearing if I spoke any louder I would lose it crying like the baby that all these feelings make me feel like I am. With this past hour or so, the realization of real relationships hit me. Charlie and I wouldn't always be perfect, it scared me.

"What the fuck? Why would you think that? We just cleared everything up." I bet he's running his hands, through his hair, he always does that when he's mad or stressed.

"Do you really love me?" I bundled myself tighter, I don't know why I'm still talking. Why can't I ever leave it alone?

"Sadie," Charlie sighed, the bed dipped from his weight, and his hand rested on my foot, "I know this is your foot," Fucking mindreader, "I do love you, I promise, but I'm still not sure if you're being honest with me." His smooth voice calmed me but riled me all at once.

"What?" I sat up, my heart breaking once again.

His eyes were flowing with confusing and I could totally tell his mind was racing with thoughts, "When I first moved here, and you and CJ had your thing, I saw the way you looked at him, and your face when Leah and Bridget told you about what he was doing, then twenty minutes ago when he revealed his scummy plan with you. You were happy with him." He spat jealously.

"I-I-,"

"So that's true then? You still love him?" He stood up, "You hated me passionately," Charlie's eyes were harsh and cold, "Was I your rebound? I need to ask again,"

"Why don't you believe me!" I pleaded.

Charlie slammed his hand against the wall making me jump, I knew he could scare me, and guess what? It's fucking terrifying.

"Because you'd tense when he was around, I know he was special to you, so how am I supposed to believe that you went from being with CJ and hating me, then not and loving me?"

Ha, I win this round, "I never told anyone else about Ricco. Not Ray, not Alex, or Mitchell, or Abby, or Emma, or Luke, he's gross, and definitely not CJ. Or even Sammy." My voice was clipped, matching his. "I guess I just wanted to care about someone and hoped they'd care about me. CJ wasn't perfect, I always knew that. But I was stupid, I was stupid into trying to make some relationship work with him. Then I met you and it all changed, no one treated me as kindly as you. No one could cheer me up, make me laugh, or blush like you. I don't cry in front of them, I never listen to them when they tell me to stop being mean to people."